Miss Marian May

Movin'

2009-04-28T08:31:00.002-05:00

Okay, I can't stay away from the blogging game, but since I'll have a new last name here soon, I've got to be honest with you:

Marian was a pseudonym; my real name is Michelle. My last name isn't important, but it's going to be Jorgenson, which is what counts.

So, soon enough you'll be able to find me at:

mrsjorgenson.blogspot.com

See you there!

Leaving the Blogosphere

2009-03-17T00:30:00.002-05:00

I haven't written much in a while, and I've found that for this season of life, that's what works.

I've enjoyed blogging; I've enjoyed getting to know some wonderful ladies; I've enjoyed exchanging ideas and building others up in Christ.

Even though I haven't written much, I've put a lot of mental energy and time into the internet in general. I think that there are other places that I need to put my time and energy into, and I'm happy to do so--relieved even. I couldn't sleep tonight, prayed over all of this, and felt an urgent peace about wrapping all of this up.

This blog will be up for another week, long enough for me to store what I want to keep and allow others to see that I'm leaving. Email me if you'd like to keep in touch as I'll be changing my email address soon, too, getting a new last name and all.

It's been a good run, but I want to press on to what (for me and the path God has put me on) is better.

I'm happy with the table setting!

2009-02-25T16:58:00.004-06:00

So, I haven't written in a while. Sorry about that, but I am back after a quick hiatus to set up LibrarianMarian.net and will write on both as I please.

And today, it pleases me to share photos with you! I did a lot of running around town and comparing flowers and buying tableware and brainstorming. Keep in mind, we are on a budget which means paper and plastic instead of linen and glass. I don't mind it: nobody's going to remember their plate; they're going to remember the day and my dress and how happy we were and the funny things that went wrong and...everything but the tablecloths and plates.

I get a bit discouraged watching wedding shows sometimes--with their gown budgets that dwarf our entire budget--but then I see things like the Josh and Anna Duggar wedding, and I am so relieved that other people keep it financially simple but still completely enjoy the day. And that's the point: we're in it for a marriage, not just a wedding day.

So here are the centerpieces: mason jars wrapped in tissue paper and would you believe that's just $2 worth of flowers from Wal-Mart?

Now, the tables will actually be long banquet tables put together, so the centerpieces will repeat every two place settings, but this is about what it will look like from the end:

Don't mind the yardstick; this is a square table, and the yardstick shows where 30" is for the banquet tables. Oh, and those brown things are malted milk balls, but the cupcake holders will actually hold white, lavender, and purple m&m's.

The food will be brought to the tables and served family style. On the menu: ham sandwiches (represented by English muffins below), crudites with dill dip (fruit below; plus we're serving the tip in hollowed out green peppers), and a summer berry plate (also fruit below).

Mom doesn't think that this along with homemade mints, the m&m's, cake, and sparkling lemonade won't be enough to feed our guests. If this were dinnertime, I'd agree. But it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon! Most people have a candy bar or an apple for a midafternoon snack, so I'm sure they'll be fine. Besides, the reception is three blocks from the church so it's not like they'll work up a huge appetite or anything.

Whadda ya think? I'd love any comments! My favorite part? No dishes to wash! :D

New Blog!

2009-02-16T07:15:00.002-06:00

I am very pleased to announce...

I have a new blog!

Librarian Marian is a place where I will discuss books that I am reading and give tips on everything from squeezing more books into your life to increasing your writing productivity to getting more out of your visit to your local library.

Basically, if it has to do with reading or writing (or words in general), it'll be at LibrarianMarian.net and I created a Twitter account just for it.

I hope you'll stop by!

True Beauty Radiates

2009-02-13T13:28:00.002-06:00

I have always struggled with body image. I hate my thighs, I hate that my feet are so different, I hate-hate-hate my nose, I hate that I have big, thick gymnast arms...the list goes on and on.

For the most part, I've gotten over these issues; they only come up when I try on clothes.

And actually have to see myself in the mirror in my skivvies.

And realize just how imperfect this body of mine is.

So, while trying on dresses yesterday for "fun," all of those thoughts--like voices--about my body came flooding back, the voices that used to scream at me as I chewed up food and spit it out into the garbage can. The voices that used to push me to go just one more mile. The voices that used to keep me from letting anybody in. They weren't screaming this time, but I could hear the murmurs begin the way that the whispering in classrooms does.

I ditched the dresses and headed over to Payless, since shoes were my mission for that shopping trip anyway. The shoes were easy enough to find and choose: the mirrors only show up to your ankles. I left the store with my purchases under my arm and

"Marian?" I heard from somewhere beyond my periphery. I turned around to see a woman from Jay's church. Peggy and I haven't talked much before, but I know her by sight: my height, glasses, brownish hair, freckles, overweight but happy--thrilled, actually. She sings some Sundays, and I was there when she and her husband dedicated their little girl to the Lord; Peggy absolutely beamed.

"Say, Jay's parents were at my place last night, and I realized that I went to high school with your uncle!" she told me, one eye on me the other on the dripping ice cream cone in her hand and her wandering toddler (only mothers can focus on so many things at once).

I laughed at the coincidence: everybody seems to know my family. Just as I was about to ask if she knew my dad, she piped up, "I'm so impressed by you and Jay. You're being very responsible and not choosing a big, fancy wedding. That's really encouraging to see."

Her words were full of warmth and sincerity. I wondered for a moment if she ever wasn't warm and sincere, sweet and kind; I wondered how she responded to seeing her imperfect body in the dressing room mirror.

Then it dawned on me: Peggy is beautiful. Her sweetness and kindness, her warmth and sincerity, her willingness to open her home in fellowship make Peggy beautiful in a way that dresses and shoes and any man-made product cannot.

I didn't try on any more clothing that day, but I have a feeling that I would have been far more forgiving with myself if I had. Sure, a woman can be beautiful when she puts on a pretty dress, but a woman is beautiful regardless when it radiates from within.

HE'S IN!!!!

2009-02-11T15:11:00.003-06:00

JAY GOT ACCEPTED TO GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!!

Hearing back two days after interviews?! Absolutely crazy...and I had just given the whole thing to God: I worried all morning, tossing around the what-ifs and what-are-our-other-options and the panic that ensues because of the economy. Then, I stopped on the stairs and just gave all of my worry and speculation and expectation to God, because it was all in His hands anyway.

And then he put tears in my eyes and thunder in Jay's heart by affirming that this is the next step for us, that we really can start planning our future because we know the next step.

I wonder if I hadn't worried so much if we'd have heard sooner? Who knows...well, God knows, and that's all that matters!!

Valentine's, Valentine's...

2009-02-09T18:42:00.002-06:00

Oh, how I use to loathe thee.

I dreaded Valentine's Day all through high school, because I didn't have anybody to share it with. And it's a Hallmark holiday.

But now? *Sigh* It's difficult not to get caught up in the pinks and the reds and the chocolates...especially since I spent the afternoon with my cousin making his Valentine's box for school. Jay called while we were making it and said--more sincerely than I'd have imagined--that he missed making those.

So guess what? I'm going to pull together a couple of shoe boxes by Friday when he comes home for the weekend so that we can decorate them. Plus, I'm going to fill his with little candies and love notes.

But don't tell him!!

It may be a Hallmark holiday, and it may make shallow a deep commitment, but it is still an opportunity to demonstrate to this man that I care for him and think of him while he's away.

I'll take any opportunity like that I can get!

Just curious...what do people in the evangelical world think of Valentine's Day? I guess I've never really found out...

Lists in Emails Are a Good Thing

2009-02-03T08:08:00.002-06:00

While emailing back and forth with one of my bridesmaids, I've found that we put off writing sometimes: it just seems like too much work to tackle a whole email.

Does that ever happen to you? I'll bet it does! I can't be the only one out here...

Anyway, the other day she shot me what she called me a "quick" email because she was in a hurry and gave a list of three things that I should know: she'd ordered her dress, she'd submitted her application to grad school, and that the first Sonic in Wisconsin opened up a block from her apartment.

Short, sweet, but it told me so much. And it was fun to read. And I replied quickly.

Not that every email would work as a list, but I think that it'd be worth looking into if you just need a little motivation. Here's one that I sent to her this morning as a sample:

"Goooooood morning!

Since you gave me a list, I thought I'd give you my own:

1. I'm making grilled cheese for breakfast this morning. I live on the wild side.

2. I am hoping to visit Madison over the second weekend in March; if you're going to be around, I'd like to spend Friday and part of Saturday with you, then Saturday and Sunday morning with my friend Cali. I would have liked to devoted a whole weekend to each of you, but you guys have spring break after that and then we're getting close to Easter and after that I'm probably going to be up to my neck in wedding plans--not that that's a bad thing.

3. My brother failed his driving test; he didn't get over quickly enough to make a left turn when the guy asked. But he got his braces off, so he's pretty pumped.

4. Jay goes down to Iowa on Thursday for grad school interviews. Eep! But we're really excited and it's sounding less and less formal all the time, so he's more relaxed about the whole thing.

5. I miss you! Downtown is just blah by lonesome!

6. Have a wonderful day!

---Marian"

See? Easy peasy, lemon squeasy! Ooops...just realized I missed "my" in #5, which leads me to my next point: always copyedit!

Lies I've Believed

2009-02-02T20:02:00.002-06:00

Today was kind of rotten: my aunt's kids wanted to scream about anything and everything. And the youngest even screamed about nothing. Several times. For at least twenty minutes every go-round.

Then? Then, I was turning onto the gravel road that leads to home and slipped right into the ditch--not all the way in but far enough so that I couldn't get out on my own. Daddy dearest had to come assess the situation and then come back AGAIN once he had a chain.

I sat in the car and cried. Oh, I cried and cried and cried an impressive number of tears for only five minutes.

So many lies slipped into my heart, just as my car had slid across the ice:

"Marian, you are such a parasite; you're constantly stealing your father away from his important work on the farm because you have a crisis."

"Why can't you do anything right? You're twenty-one years old for goodness sake!"

"Your family would be better off without having to take care of you, too. You're an adult...why are you still living at home? Wow you're pathetic..."

And I let each one sink in nice and deep. But when I got home--face tear-stained and chest still heaving--my mother set me straight.

Here are a few truths that I re-learned tonight, that just may apply to your heart and life, too:

1. It is not weak to be dependent on someone else; as a Christian, aren't I already wholly dependent on Someone anyway?

2. To be independent as the world views it is desperately lonely at times--I was engaged and surrounded by an entire metro area's worth of people while living in my apartment and felt so lost for a whole year.

3. Family works together. Why wouldn't they? Sometimes one person needs more help than usual for a season: I need my old bedroom and a carpool ride to work and total care from my parents between now and the wedding; one day, my parents will come live with us when they're too old to stay in their home.

Plus...everybody in my family has gotten the car stuck in the snow.

Setting Up House

2009-01-29T18:55:00.003-06:00

As the wedding becomes closer and closer (148 days away, to be exact!), I realize just how unprepared Jay and I are for married life.

Emotionally? Ready. We've had nearly three years of engagement plus a year before that to work on that (though obviously we'll still have a lot to learn).

Physically? Ready. Like I said: we've been together for four years. We're pretty ready to be married as far as that goes, thank you very much.

Materially? Not so much. We've got a bed, basic pots, a kitchen table, two kitchen chairs, two small baking pans, and the hidden-away-Marian's-not-supposed-to-know-about-it Kitchen Aid mixer.

So, as long as we don't want to eat on dishes with utensils or use blankets or shield the bathroom floor from the water spraying out of the shower, we'll be fine.

But I have a feeling Jay will want to do those things. And I would have to agree with him.

So...we are registering at Target and Macy's/Fleet Farm/Bed Bath and Beyond/Store To Be Agreed Upon Shortly, which translates into much choosing: patterns, textiles, utensils, etc.

Where's a girl to begin?

For anyone else wondering, here are a few links to sites that give lists of basics needed to set up a home:

http://www.neighborjanepayne.com/read.php?SD=1&SS=452

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/athome/334097_design06.html

http://www.knotforlife.com/postwedding/home/setting-home.shtml

I hadn't even thought of garbage cans! But, at least I've found a place to start, and these resources (plus many others; I appreciate recommendations) will help fill in where I may have forgotten something important.

Busy but beautiful times lie ahead!

Reason #853 For Wanting to Leave the Business World...

2009-01-28T14:23:00.002-06:00

The grad school my mom works for is hosting visitors this week, which means a lot of extra food, particularly boxed lunches ordered in case anyone extra dropped in for a meeting.

They order 5-6 extra lunches per meeting. Three meetings a day. With eighteen lunches left over, Mom decided I needed one, too.

Fine with me; I didn't mind eating a large roast beef sub with chips and a wonderful oatmeal raisin cookie.

Till I looked on the side of the box: over 1,000 calories? For LUNCH?!

Now, I used to obsess about counting calories and my weight, but I've backed off immensely and generally don't think about it these days. But 1,000 calories for lunch when someone my size needs about 1,900 per DAY to maintain? That's crazy.

Note to self: when entering the "real world" this fall wherever Jay and I end up, avoid the work lunches or watch my waistline balloon!

Advice and a Haircut

2009-01-26T10:40:00.002-06:00

My mom has seen the same hair stylist most of my life; Tracy is a warm, friendly woman, close to my mother's age, and recently opened a salon in her home after getting married four years ago. The first time I was there for a haircut, I noticed a Joyce Meyer magazine, and Tracy even mentioned one of the woman's sermons. Now, I'm not a Joyce Meyer fan for many reasons, but I began to heavily suspect that Tracy was a Christian.

Her schedule didn't allow Mom and I to have haircuts the same day, so I went on my own to the you'd-never-guess-this-was-a-garage-stall-turned-salon. We circled around the subject, but finally she asked me about my faith and then shared hers.

And as a woman who waited a long time for her husband--and even just as one Christian woman to another--she was able to give me counsel and advice on a level that my mother could not. The words that she spoke to me about marriage, about sharing my faith with my family in a way that might make them see, about choosing a church, about so many things, were precious and (I'm convinced) from God, the things that He wanted me to know.

She'll be doing my hair the day of the wedding, so I am very excited to be able to receive some last minute godly counsel on that most blessed day from a beautiful woman who is part of God's family, my sister in Christ, a Titus 2 woman in her own right.

I do not know many authentic Christians--ones who go beyond the niceties and formalities of Sunday morning and Wednesday night--even after three years of trusting Jesus as my Saviour. And yet, by those words I am encouraged and firmly believe that God will provide needed counsel and fellowship in time, even in the difficult transition to married life with a grad student husband and being far from home for the first time. My God will provide as He always has--even if it's through a hairdresser.

Different Lines to Memorize

2009-01-20T11:23:00.000-06:00

God’s timing is so funny. So perfect.

After hearing a John Piper sermon about the importance of memorizing Scripture, I printed out a list of recommended verses and passages to memorize. I didn’t really scrutinize the choices its author made because, hey, it’s the Bible, and it’s all worth memorizing.

But the timing was perfect because I had just memorized Psalm 1 and needed to hear its words at those auditions last night:

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night” (verse 1).

I do not wish to judge the others participating in the auditions, but I knew that the script was sinful and—through the power of God’s Word—was able to walk away.

How fitting then that next on my list is Psalm 19. Here’s a passage (19:9b-10) that is relevant to my no-play blues:

“[T]he rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.”

If God’s rules are to be desired more than gold, then they are definitely to be more desired than a role in a somewhat trashy local play. So far, I find that to be true: I would rather hide God’s Word in my heart than do other things that I used to find more enjoyable, or at least easier.

I would encourage you, my reader, to begin memorizing Scripture. Choose verses you love, verses that challenge you, or verses that someone else has already compiled. The means doesn’t matter so much as the end: when God’s Word is stored in your mind, it is always with you, even when temptation or unpleasantness lurks.

New Standard

2009-01-19T20:46:00.002-06:00

My knees were knocking and my throat was dry as I walked into the high school auditorium.

I hadn't auditioned for a play in four years.

The beginning was the same: fill out a form with your contact information, contacts, and preferences; read through the character descriptions; twiddle your thumbs and wait for the action to really begin.

When I was first called onstage, I was nervous but not terribly so. I'm mildly talented at acting and read pretty well, plus I've been dyyyyy-ing to get back up there. They had the lights on, there was something of an audience (even if it was only 15 people), and I had a script in front of me.

My first read-through was just okay. By the second or third time I was up there, I was relaxed and relied less on the paper and more on my own facial expressions. I was the only actor the director didn't know, so I got called up quite a bit. It felt so natural to be doing something that I loved.

The script, however, was not something I loved. The play is about vampires. It's a comedy. Mainly, I read for one of three girl vampires locked in a tower desperate for a man to tickle and give hickeys to.

I haven't been onstage since I came to Christ, so I hadn't seen this coming, this torn feeling between desire to perform and to honor God. When they call to tell me that I'm in (which, with five female parts and five women who auditioned, you do the math), I will have to tell them that I simply cannot participate in a play that conflicts with my morals.

I was having trouble figuring out where I would draw the line in the sand: is a play with one innuendo-filled line impossible for a Christian to participate in? What about violence? What about controversial content?

I came up with this standard: if I wouldn't want my pastor sitting in the audience, I can't be a part of it. By extension, that should be, "I can't be part of a play that I would not want Jesus to see," but it was easiest to imagine someone who is physically in my life, though I leaned entirely on the One who is in my heart.

I want to mourn the lost opportunity, but I can't help but feel grateful. My God saved me from embarrassment, shame, the possibility of lusting after a man who I'd be working closely with who isn't Jay--so many traps avoided simply by walking away.

I was completely unprepared for this lesson. Thankfully I've learned it now and not down the road a few hours before curtain call!

Playing Hostess

2009-01-19T08:20:00.003-06:00

My dear friend, Kelly came to visit this weekend--that means that I got to play hostess!

We made red velvet cheesecake (yummy!), went bridesmaid dress shopping, saw a movie, explored downtown, and enjoyed a telethon. We enjoyed several homemade meals and each other's company.

But one of the best parts for me was the fact that Kelly slept in late both days.

That may sound odd, like I didn't want my friend around, but that's not the case at all. Kelly's a pretty early riser; when I lived in an apartment, she was up before my roommate and I whenever she visited. At home, I took the couch and she slept in my room, not coming down until around 9 (rather than 6:30 or 7 at the apartment).

"Your bed is so comfy...I never sleep this well away from home."

Those were such encouraging words! I do want to make people feel at home in my home, to show them rest, to show them the peace that I have in my heart so that maybe--just maybe--they will see Christ in me without words.

Only 159 days until I have a home of my own to play hostess in!

Bed + Blankets = God Provides!

2009-01-15T13:36:00.002-06:00

While we certainly only need food and clothing to "be content," in order to run a functional home, a few other things are very useful. Jay and I--who have next to no money (can you say, "College students"?)--have to begin accumulating various things before the wedding day: dishes, furniture, kitchen tools, towels...the list (of even just the basics) is pretty hefty. Luckily, we serve a God who knows what His children need (Matthew 6:8).

And He provides...
...a beautiful bed for $99 plus tax. Yay for Black Friday specials. Plus Jay and I had a blast and made a whole day of it: we got up early and drove two hours to IKEA (luckily driving is one of our favorite things to do together), got our voucher and wandered the store, drove two more hours back to his house, had fun assembling the bed, and then showed off the fruits of our labor to his family.

Once we put his pillowtop mattress (because I can't yet say our) on, we all tried it out and found it to be really comfortable. Praise the Lord!

Then we started looking for a beautiful comforter that would look nice against the black-brown wood. Oh how we looked and looked for something affordable that was also attractive. Just the other night, I found this

and Jay told me to order it! Beautiful and in our price range!

Then there's one last thing that is not a necessity but was on my list of "wants" that is hiding in Jay's mom's closet that I'm not supposed to know about...

My mother and mother-in-law-to-be really wanted to buy this because they knew how much I wanted it. Jay only told me because I was bawling after a really, really bad day...and he's not very good at keeping secrets! Actually, neither of us are: we're so excited when giving the other a gift (or just knowing about one) that we can't keep our little mouths shut! But this is very sweet of those lovely ladies and I have to remember to act surprised...

While I don't want to focus on the things that I have as being extremely important, I do want to focus on how gracious my God is to provide them, especially that He provides them in ways and at times that puzzle me, astound me, and make me praise Him. But after all, isn't that my job as a Christian? To be astounded by my Father who gives wonderful gifts, like grace, salvation, and even earthly things?

What possessions are you thankful for?

I Am an Artist

2009-01-13T16:21:00.004-06:00

Look at what I did with my little cousins today:

I'm the big one on the left, if you couldn't tell; I promise that I'm actually wearing my pants, unlike how they hang off my leg in the picture...

Living in the Moment: Apartment Ads Vs. Real Estate

2009-01-13T08:22:00.002-06:00

I want a house.

Plain and simple, I want a starter house for Jay and I to live in while he's in graduate school (which is looking more and more certain: they called to invite him for interviews before his letters of recommendation were even in!). It'd be better to build equity, not throw away our money on rent, really feel like we had a home...

But that's not likely in the cards.

So why do I still find myself drooling over real estate ads and calculating how soon we could pay off the mortgage if we paid an extra x number of dollars per month?

I'm not content. I'm not content with the idea of a small apartment where we'll never see any return on the overpriced rent. I'm not content with not being able to decorate as I choose. I'm just flat out discontent; like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, "I want it now!"

Yet I'm not Veruca Salt. I belong to Jesus Christ, and 1 Timothy 6:8 states that "if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content." I have food. I am not naked. I have a relationship with the God of the universe...I have every reason to be ecstatic and joyful, and that is what I will choose to be.

For now, all of the ads--real estate or otherwise--can take a hike.

5 AM Club

2009-01-12T09:08:00.002-06:00

It's ba-aaaaaaack.

The 5 AM Club.

It didn't work out very well for me to wake up early while I was commuting because my hours were so messed up and if I didn't sleep I'd drive right off the road! But, now I'm home every night by six and life is more routine. And now that Jay is back up at school, I have less reason to stay up late: no one to talk to!

Today, I got up at five, walked across the room and turned off my alarm. Then I got back under the covers and justified sleeping for another hour: I don't want to wake anyone else, I'll need the extra energy for babysitting today, etc. God had other plans. There was no rest to be had, so at 5:03, I turned on the lights, propped up the pillows, and grabbed my Bible.

I haven't had such a sweet hour in Scripture and prayer in a long time. I even journaled. It was fantastic, and I feel as though my day has trajectory and purpose now, instead of running in ten different directions.

Tomorrow? 5 AM, baby! Will you join me?

Crazy Days

2009-01-10T09:36:00.002-06:00

Can a girl take a breath anymore? This week has been a whirlwind: trying to cram in as much time with Jay as possible before he goes back to college on Sunday, working at the library, a big family event this weekend to gear up for (my grandparents host a hotel swimming/pizza party every year in lieu of Christmas gifts), and spending Monday and Tuesday chasing two very energetic toddlers.

Can I really continue to let my blog's title be "My Year as a Stay-at-Home Daughter"? I'm never home! I had hoped that this time between college and marriage would be one of preparation; I had pictured myself making lists of things we'll need, doing some fancy needlework to bring to our new home, immersing myself in the Word and good books. But, family needs me, so I traded in calm and serene for loud and messy. Yet even this is training for marriage, just not in the way that I expected.

And I'm still more of a stay-at-home daughter than I ever thought I'd be: I'm living at home with my parents and not pursuing a flashy career. And I still reap all of the benefits of being at home with my family:

I am under the protection of my father.

I do not pay rent.

I do not have an extra job for the sole purpose of paying the rent.

I am able to help out my aunt and get to know her and her family in a way I had never anticipated.

I have time to pursue blogging--and look out for a book blog rolling out from yours truly toward the end of February.

I am safer: no drunks outside my window, no bars on the corner.

I have a more stable church life--always easier when you don't have to take two buses and still walk to get to church.

My time with Jay is less stressful, no worries like, "I can't find a parking spot on your street," or "visiting hours haven't started yet." When he's home, we can drive over to each other's houses, park in the driveway, and visit to our hearts' content.

I can plan my wedding!!! You'll be seeing more wedding posts coming up here soon, including how this bride-to-be saved the day with gorgeous but frugal centerpieces!

So, even though things around here are chaotic, I don't think I would want the next six months to be any other way.

More Work Ahead

2009-01-06T08:26:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my first day taking care of my cousins. For being one- and two-year-olds, they were pretty well behaved; the house, on the other hand, is not so much.

I didn't realize what I was up against: crusty clothes on the kitchen floor, piles of clutter literally waist high, a bathroom that didn't look like it's been cleaned in its entire history. I left feeling drained because of the mess...and maybe because there were four kids running around by then and I had done dishes and laundry all day.

I got the kitchen counter cleared and scrubbed, the kitchen floor decluttered and swept. A few loads of laundry done. The dishes washed. But in eight hours, that's as far as I got. I'm just praying I can tackle more today...

At least my aunt got to sleep; most days, she's up all day with the kids and then works a long night shift at the hospital. So, if I do nothing else, at least I've given her a rest.

Sorry this is so rant-ish...it's been a long 24 hours and promises to be another hard day!

My Resolve Is Not Enough

2009-01-01T11:12:00.003-06:00

Last night, we went to a New Year's Eve party at church. I'd never been to anything of the sort before, but it was a lot of fun with lots of food and music and games I hadn't played before. But the thing that sticks with me most is the pastor's message after dinner about resolutions.

He explained that as much as we hope to keep our resolutions, we generally fall short, fall hard, and fall quickly--only to remember these resolutions around December 30th. He postulated that if we are Christians who believe in grace through faith alone because of our inability to deal with sin ourselves, why do we think that we can become better on our own esteem?

My resolve to better myself is not enough in and of itself. I can only become better, stronger, more godly by God's grace, which includes His timing and the circumstances with which He surrounds me (eg, if I wanted to start a business but God wanted me to go to Africa, I probably wouldn't be surrounded by excited investors). And you know what? I'm so glad.

Now, what is a girl to do if she isn't certain just what those circumstances include? I don't see any reason to not pursue goals in the meantime, but one must never become rigidly inflexible regarding them nor should one attempt to do something completely on her own. Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through him who strengthens me," and only through Him.

So, don't avoid goals completely, but remember Who is in charge. I'll leave you with a very fitting quote from D.A. Carson that I read at Simply Vintagegirl's blog really speaks to bettering yourself but not of your own esteem:

“People do not drift towards holiness.

Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate towards godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, or delight in the Lord.

We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance;

Toward disobedience and we call it freedom;

Toward superstition and call it faith.

We cherish the non-discipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation;

We slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism;

We slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated.”

- D. A. Carson

Happy New Year to you, whoever you are; go in peace and love to serve God however He calls you.

Ah, New Year's

2008-12-30T17:35:00.002-06:00

A chance for a new leaf, a fresh start, a (dare I say it) change.

I've always been a fan of making resolutions, though I've never been good at keeping them. I've read over and over that the key to reaching a goal is being specific. So, that's what I'm working on, creating specific goals.

Care to read? Let's see, there's...

Spending at least five minutes in God's Word every day. It's not much and I hope to spend more time most days, but even on my busiest days I have to be able to take five minutes for my sweet Lord!

No caffeine except on the weekends. And definitely no diet pop anymore. If I don't do anything else, this and the above resolution are the ones that I will focus on.

I would like to be able to run a 5k by my birthday, which is July 3. It's too cold out to run now and our treadmill is so old that it likes to buck people off, so my goal from now until March is to work on flexibility and strength. The details have yet to be determined.

I plan to read a book every week, which goes hand in hand with my next goal...

Lauch a book blog; this is something I've been toying with and will be starting up hopefully by March.

Get married. The date is set, I've got the groom...this one had better materialize! ;)

In order to make the transition--wherever we are and whatever we're doing--from being under our parents' roof to striking out on our own, I want to sock away another $1,000 between now and the wedding to make sure our butts are covered!

And my final goal will probably be easier after the whole "getting married" thing is accomplished, and that is to join a church. I have only been a Christian for about three years, but due to various events and circumstances (i.e. the constantly mobile life of a college student) I do not belong to a church. I'd also like to be baptized; I was baptized as a bay in the Catholic church, but I actually understand that baptism is a proclamation of faith, which I want to make but would prefer to do so as a member of a church.

So...what's on your list? I love lists and I'd love to know!

Job Meets Homemaking?

2008-12-28T12:13:00.002-06:00

How many times on this blog have I said, "God provides"? Probably ten million. At least.

Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but I should have said it at least that many times.

My aunt has four young kids, two in school, two at home. They don't have a lot of money, so she works nights at the hospital and her husband works days while she stays home with the kids and--hopefully--gets some sleep. That doesn't happen often.

But now, she has asked me to come in two days a week (the days I don't work at the library) to watch the two little ones, make lunch, help with laundry, help the older ones with homework, and help with dinner. Building practical skills for the home while helping family? I'll take that!

It's also an excellent witnessing opportunity; these relatives seem to be the most open to the Gospel, though they attend a non-Bible preaching church (three guesses which one...). They know that Jay and I are "different," that they can't comfortable say or do certain things around us because we're "different." We'll just have to see if we can break the ice and show them just what that "different" thing is.

"We're a team"

2008-12-19T15:21:00.002-06:00

Jay said the sweetest thing the other night on the phone, "Hey, my degree will belong to you just as much as it does to me, honey. I didn't do it alone; it was you, me, and God, and that's the team I'm always going to play for."

Yes, that is definitely the team I want to be on.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Thank God we don't have to do this alone!

Home

2008-12-15T09:45:00.003-06:00

It has been delightful to be home without worrying about homework: no late night writing sessions with copious amounts of caffeine and junk food, no too-early mornings with...copious amounts of caffeine and two hours of driving ahead of me, no long days of classes taught by professors with a completely different outlook from my own. Best of all? I'm spending time at home. I did some cleaning, I did some reading, I did some praying, I even did some long over due exercise (did I mention the junk food of the past semester?!)

And then I did some decorating with my mom and my brother...Cookies! These are from a bakery that's close to our old house but a bit of a drive from where we live now, worth it though!
I decided to try my hand at creativity, hence the bowtie. I even tried greater detail...

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."-1 Corinthians 13:13

Ah...the sweet smell of victory

2008-12-12T13:03:00.002-06:00

I handed my senior paper into my professor Wednesday. She assured me that my nightmares about failing were unfounded, but she did mention that she had a dream about me; we were making cookies! That would have been all right in my book...

It is such a relief to be finished. No more commuting, no more late night study sessions, no more panic attacks, no more putting my work before Jay's. I love being able to look over his essays and things as a second pair of eyes, but I haven't been able to do that lately because I've been so wrapped up in my own schoolwork. When he sent me a final draft for a quick once over last night, I noticed for the first time in a long time just how much his writing has improved since freshman year. I feel more proud about helping him than I do about my own degree!

And I had wanted so badly to transfer from my school (Liberal U we'll call it) that I'd come into as an unbeliever to the small Christian college Jay attends that's just down the road. Once I found Christ, I wanted to be surrounded by believers, learn from Bible professors, explore the depths of my faith. But, for two and a half years I still remained at Liberal U.

Why? I asked God that so many times...but it's not my place to know. Maybe I wasn't ready for that much Bible learning, maybe I needed to learn what all I don't believe that surrounded me at my old school. I do believe that could be it: I've realized in the past two and half years how many lies I have been told and have believed. What a long road it has been.

I was certain I wasn't going to make it; I shouldn't have made it. Every semester, I said, "I won't be able to afford school next semester," yet after every break I came back. God has truly blessed me and the Bachelor of Arts in English that will arrive in the mail with my name on it is all His.

Before I dive into job hunting, which seems to be the path I'm headed down for the first few years of marriage, I will praise Him for the end of this chapter and ask His blessing on the next. Jay would like me to work for now, and in order to make our dreams for the future come true, I'm willing to do so. But before I get out the classified ads, thank You, Lord, for bringing me through this; it was all You.

Coming out of the fog...

2008-12-01T13:49:00.001-06:00

Okay, things are getting better: I have an idea where my senior paper is going, I'm almost half done with my humanities study guide (remember the monster I wailed about back in October? This one's bigger!), I know what I'm going to do for my editing project...now it's just a matter of getting things done.

God is so much bigger than this--if only I'd listened while I bawled in the snow last night (while Jay was scraping ice off my car), screaming that "I'm going to fail; there's always an F in senior seminar, and I'm going to be it! Then I won't pass the class, I won't graduate, I won't..."

Funny thing? I couldn't really think of any huge consequence--other than disappointment--if for some freak reason I did not get that diploma. My God is bigger than any piece of paper.

But, I've put a lot of work into this thing, and now I'm going to finish it.

Give me two weeks, folks, and I'll post about things other than school!!

My brain is dying...

2008-11-21T15:19:00.002-06:00

....total system failure...

this post has no purpose

except to keep me as far from Boethius as possible

i should have picked a different topic...

an easy one

that had nothing to do with the Bible

i used to love the story of Jonah

but all of a sudden i have to think about it nonstop

and not even the biblical version

a retold story by an unknown poet in the 14th c

my question is this: if he's unknown, why do we care what he thought?

blah de blah blah blah blah

jay's on his way

hey that rhymes

okay, i'll go now...to all of you lucky non-senior paper-ing folks out there, enjoy your weekend...

I will submit...even though I don't want to...

2008-11-19T12:56:00.002-06:00

"Well, I think if we can pull $60,000 a year in put together we'll be pretty well set," Jay stated over the phone. Having looked at job postings for him myself and knowing the salary range, I knew just what he was trying to get at.

My future husband wants me to work outside the home.

A few years ago, I would have thought nothing of that, flat out expected it. But these days? Well, more and more, I want to be a housewife who makes everything from scratch, learns to sew, plays hostess whenever possible, volunteers at church--I want to be a homemaker. Home manager. Stay-at-home wife (and someday, mother). Anything but work for a paycheck. I've been doing that since I was thirteen and, quite frankly, it's lost its luster. Besides, I'll have a degree in English. English! How many people are going to hire and English major in this economic climate?!

So what's a girl to do? Explain to hubby-to-be that what he really needs is for me to be at home or submit to his wishes?

I spent my commute to class after that conversation bewailing my fate: interview after interview in a bad job climate, eventually getting a job that brings me no joy and doesn't serve anyone else's real needs, eating frozen TV dinners for lunch because I have no time for anything else...

I will submit to my future husband, and I will get a job after graduation. I just have to work on the cheerful half of the equation...

One DOWN!!

2008-11-16T22:09:00.001-06:00

Mwahaha, one page of nasty senior paperness down, 16-19 more to go!!

On the plus side, I've managed to turn my paper into an exegesis of Jonah more than anything else...well, kind of.

It's rough stuff at a secular liberal institution!

Seasonal Drainage

2008-11-12T13:48:00.002-06:00

And I don't mean of the nose.

Yesterday I posted about my looming research paper--the one standing between me and graduation. Even when I'm not working on it, I'm thinking about it. And worrying.

Thinking and worrying? Absolutely draining.

Driving in snow four hours a day? Draining.

Not sleeping enough because of time, stress, and caffeine? Draining.

I don't mean to complain, and that's not my goal here. I want to tell you, whoever you are, that there are seasons in life that are simply draining: college finals, pregnancy, moving...taking college finals while pregnant and moving would be most draining! The events are all different, but the feelings of exhaustion, hopelessness, and helplessness are very similar.

Fortunately for me, God plopped the book of Hebrews into my lap this week. No matter how confused my research is, no matter how close I come to driving off the road because I'm tired, no matter how much I feel this will never end, I have a High Priest who goes to the Father on my be

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
-Hebrews 4:14-16

So please, when you suffer from some such seasonal drainage, go to Jesus and receive His grace and mercy. Nothing--not my research, not feeding your family, not weathering an unstable economy--will be possible apart from Him.

And I thank God that it is all in His capable hands.

The Research, the Research!

2008-11-11T14:27:00.002-06:00

What's this that's taken over my bedroom?

A giant card table? Covered in heavy books? Just why is that? Oh yeah...senior paper time...

Hmm...one book seems to beget more books...
So how does this become a well-structured, brilliantly argued, perfectly formatted 17-20 page research paper?

I'll tell you in a month when I'm done...

Check it out!

2008-11-06T14:06:00.002-06:00

I just saw a beautiful giveaway!

To enter, visit Simply Vintagegirl, but really you should visit anyway just because! I only stumbled upon it just now and think I'll definitely have to return...

"How are you?"

2008-11-06T12:49:00.002-06:00

When passing an acquaintance in public or talking to somebody at church or starting any conversation, we almost always default to "how are you?"

But do we really care about the answer?

For example, while walking back from the bathroom this morning, I passed a co-worker I don't really know but work in the same proximity. When we were five feet from each other, she said, "Hi."

Of course, I said "hi" back and then by force of habit blurted, "How are you?"

Our eyes were still on each other as she began to say that she was "oh, just fine," but by the time she asked and I replied with an "all right," we were passed each other.

Does that seem like a meaningful exchange? Did we really care how the other was doing? Did we really learn how the other one felt? Or was it simply words to fill an awkward passing?

From now on, I think I'll try something new: "Good to see you." Because it is. And it's how I really feel. And I think it'll mean more on the other end--foreign, unexpected, but lovely to hear. Someone is glad to see me.

Isn't that what we're usually looking for in those exchanges anyway? To know the other cares?

Here's my challenge to you: try this with someone and note their reaction. I haven't had a change to implement it yet, so if you get to it first, please let me know!

Oh, by the way, it's good to see you stoppin' at my blog! :)

Happy (belated) Anniversary

2008-11-04T08:47:00.002-06:00

Yes, anniversary wishes were in order on the 31st of October. For what, you ask? To mark three sweet years of knowing and loving Jesus Christ as my Savior.

As a freshman in college, I joined a Campus Crusade for Christ Bible study because some girl asked me to take a survey on my way to class. Little did I know she'd become a close confidant and friend in a short time!

After two months in this study, I realized there were differences between what I had been taught growing up and what this girl was teaching me. I can know whether or not I'm going to Heaven? For certain? Seems a little presumptuous, doesn't it? Then one night, the fella I'd been dating all summer and on into the school year sat me down with a simple, "We need to talk about something."

He echoed the words of my Bible study leader and showed me verses in Romans explaining that all people are sinners, that the wages of sin is death, and that Jesus had died in our place to pay those wages. If we confessed to Him that we were sinful and asked Him to forgive us and cover our sins, we would be saved and could enjoy fellowship with Him.

So, sometime in the wee hours between October 30 and Halloween of 2005, I accepted Christ into my heart. It has been quite the ride since then: supposed friends spread rumors that I had been brainwashed, one going so far as to threaten Jay's life, and a continued struggle to find Christian fellowship. But I will press on, basking in the delight of my Lord.

I'm a clumsy sort of girl, so looking back, there are so many events in my first 18 years that could have killed me; you could say I've been an inch from hellfire. Praise God that He purposed better for me, the best there is, in fact.

It's a little late this year, but I enjoy taking some time to celebrate that day--partially out of the irony of it being Halloween, mostly to thank Jesus for giving me the best gift: Himself.

Happy anniversary, my Jesus, my Lord, my Friend.

Letting Him Lead

2008-11-03T11:32:00.002-06:00

Last week, a certain issue came to my attention over and over and over again. I felt a need to draw up a big production and write out a long speech to give to Jay about it. Much to my surprise, the day before I planned to give my big speech, he brought up the issue! We talked, prayed, talked some more, and resolved the whole thing.

Then, after some reading and thinking, I thought of what a rut we were in: constantly on the go, only looking to what assignment we had to accomplish next or what family function we had to coordinate our schedules to or how much money we needed to pool for this and that. Romance had fallen so far from even the back burner, I would say it had fallen behind the stove.

And then Jay came home with a big bouquet in his hands. And threw tiny candy bars at me all through milking cows that night (unfortunately, it made him hit his head at one point when he was trying to run away...). And told me that he liked my hair just how it was fixed that day, which wasn't really "fixed" at all.

I never gave Jay any of my grandiose speeches or told him what I thought was wrong with our relationship. I never had the chance. After praying over these things, God laid them on Jay's heart and purposed him to lead the way.

I'm so very thankful that my Lord is leading my future husband to...well, lead. What a blessing!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

2008-10-28T10:47:00.003-05:00

I no longer work on Sundays, and I'm ecstatic!

Because I have school Mondays and Wednesdays, it made sense to take Tuesday off, stay home, and do homework. Unfortunately, that meant working Sundays. As the semester wore on though, I realized that Tuesday didn't feel like a "day off" and Sunday didn't feel like a Sabbath, so I was working seven days a week. All seven, no rest!

I knew that the Sabbath was biblical, but I reasoned that it was part of the Law, making it good but not necessary. The Midwestern view of work ethic as the epitome of a person's character didn't help much. I've had pastors tell me that "you've gotta do what you've gotta do" as I snuck out between Sunday School and the morning service.

I once heard--but can't give a citation--that computers work optimally if rested every seven days. If it's so for a machine, why not a person? I've felt drained, like I'm constantly in "on" mode, like I can't slow down, since September. This girl needs a Sabbath!

Last Sunday came and wasn't the ideal day for rest: my brother was being confirmed which meant much theological debate between my parents and I, cleaning, preparing for the luncheon afterward, hosting family, and cleaning again. Like I said, not ideal.

But when everyone had gone home and I was able to sit down and write and enjoy some leftovers, my stomach unclenched a bit. When I put my feet up, my shoulders loosened. When I had an hour long conversation with a friend about our lives, spiritual walks, and what book we wanted to study next, I forgot the week's struggles. When we hung up, I got down on my knees and talked to God. Earnestly, sincerely, openly.

The Sabbath is here to stay, not with strict dos and don'ts like under the Law, but with a general philosophy to put aside the week's work and worries, to seek God in earnest, and to rest in His grace.

I just thought of something: do you think God really needed to rest on the seventh day? I mean, He's perfect, all-powerful, full of unending strength. Maybe He had you and I in mind when He rested: not something He needed, but something He provided because He knew we would.

And how amazing is that?!

Did That REALLY Just Happen?!

2008-10-23T13:11:00.002-05:00

While I was away from my blog, a funny thing happened. Because this funny/mortifying thing happened, I will soon be buying new bras. High quality ones. Even if they're not on sale.

Okay, I'm sure you're itching for the story now...

To give you a picture, Jay's 6'3"; I'm 5'3". He's got a full foot on me and a bird's eye view, so standing in dusk beside my car last week after school, Jay looked down at me with those big, brown eyes and that gorgeous half smile.

I was going weak in the knees, so his voice was grating when he asked, "What IS that?!"

"What is what?" I asked, looking frantically for a bug on my shoulder or something.

"Uh...that...thing...poking out of your shirt."

I looked down and there it was: an underwire poking up like a secret agent microphone. Oh I could have died!

Jay was very good about it, laughed it off and suggested I needed new ones. It was fine until I realized that it had probably been that way all day! Or at least for a while...just how many people saw my not-so-secret agent underwire?

Looks like I'm going to the mall this weekend.

Long time no blog...

2008-10-22T14:19:00.002-05:00

I haven't written in about a week--or maybe more, I can't remember--but Jay was home on fall break and life got crazy.

I'm between classes now, so more will have to follow tomorrow (with pictures!) but, I am happy to announce:

My prosthesis is done! This girl has two feet with ten visible toes (though twelve total I suppose, counting the real ones on my left foot), lifelike coloring, better balance and walking, and on and on!

It's such a blessing! The only downside? There is not a flip-flop to be found in Minnesota this time of year, but I'm determined to get my hands--and feet--on a pair soon!

DONE!

2008-10-14T23:22:00.004-05:00

That is just one of the fifteen pages of this monster. Full sentences, no starting with the word/phrase being discussed, fairly legible. Should be up to snuff.

Okay, this girl is beat and needs some shut eye...

Up to My Eyeballs in Midterms

2008-10-14T11:31:00.002-05:00

My blogging has been below par lately because this is the week of midterms. I have a 15-page study guide in front of me, realized that I took all of my notes incorrectly and now have to research online to fill it out, have an editing professor who likes to flip flop between correct usage and his own personal style sheet, and have to start my senior paper soon.

EEK!!!

And I'm not enjoying it. My senior seminar has good days and we're reading Sir Gawain and the Green Knight which is among my favorites, but overall this semester has not met my expectations.

And if I'm not learning anything that is related to my future, that holds my interest, or makes sense, what is the point? A really expensive piece of paper come December?

I'm too close to quit, but boy is it tempting...

Sorry for the rant, I do have some better posts in mind--just not until midterms are over!

Wedding Cake

2008-10-10T08:20:00.000-05:00

No pictures, but a thought stemming from this quote from Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis:

"Since that power [that runs the universe], if it exists, would be not one of the observed facts but a reality which makes them, no mere observation of the facts can find it."

While that's true--God is not inside of His creation--it is also true that we can see His fingerprints in His creation.

Think of a beautiful wedding cake (or any cake, I suppose): gourmet, lovingly hand-crafted, decorated to the hilt. It shows signs of a creator: fingerprints on the delicate fondant roses, orderly symmetry to the layers, even the cake in cake form points to a creator!

Eggs, milk, flour, and other pantry wares do not come together by chance in the perfect balance and chemical processes to make a cake! Left alone, these things would rot, just like things left alone in nature move from order to chaos.

A perfect cake is not perfect by chance, nor is the universe which God created. We may not be able to observe Him within His creation, but we can observe how creation points back to Him!

"The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork."
-Psalm 19:1

Tagged!

2008-10-09T14:29:00.002-05:00

I've been tagged! That's a first 'round these parts...

The Rules:
Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your post.
Let each person know he or she has been tagged.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up

Here are 6 things about me…

1. The likeness of my face was once carved out of a 90-pound block of butter. I kid you not.

2. I love the way shoes look but would rather be barefoot.

3. I've been toying with the idea of a book blog--not just a personal blog, but a more "professional" looking one that recommends books, gives tips on how to increase the quality and quantity of your reading, etc.

4. I'm into healthy eating, but I can't turn down grilled cheese on white bread or mac and cheese from the box.

5. I used to be in plays and speech in high school; after graduation in December, I might try my hand at local theatre.

6. I ONLY HAVE TO COMMUTE TO SCHOOL 17 MORE TIMES! Or...AFTER SEVENTEEN CLASS DAYS, I'LL BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE! (Though technically only after sixteen because graduation is before the last day of classes!)

7. I don't even know enough bloggers to hit six! But I will tag Lindsey, Jocelyn, Amanda, and Whitney.

Here Comes the Bride!

2008-10-03T06:50:00.002-05:00

Okay, the picture quality isn't great, but that's my dress: simple silhouette, beading on the straps and under the bust, basic A-line without a lot of fluff or train. It'll be perfect for a summer afternoon wedding.

My big question now is accessories. I want to borrow my mother's pearls and probably wear pearl earrings (I haven't tried it yet, so I'm not certain); I don't want to wear gloves, though they do look pretty in this picture.

I'm pretty unsure about hair and shoes: there are so many options with hair, so I've got to talk to my hairdresser. And shoes? Well, come the end of the month I'll have all sorts of new options open to me because: MY NEW PROSTHESIS WILL BE DONE!

Praise God! I don't even...it's still not real. Neither is the wedding, the fact that it's actually coming instead of being some abstraction of the far off future.

More wedding posts in the future as I start to really plan!

Liberal U

2008-10-01T14:11:00.003-05:00

I've figured out why I'm struggling to pay attention or give appropriate time and energy to my classes:

The unbiblical worldview is conflicting with everything I believe.

Some things can be taught and learned without much discussion--or even thought--of personal beliefs: math, computer classes, etc. But classes on ancient history and medieval literature? Suddenly, the Bible can be literature and open to interpretation based on my life, my experiences, my understanding of history.

For example, a classmate tried to tell us that in Genesis when God tells Adam that he will eat by the sweat of his brow, the text is saying that Adam will forever eat of the fruit of that particular tree but that it will be difficult and toilsome--essentially equating it to a Greek myth. Luckily, enough people were somewhat familiar with the creation story and when we looked at it closely, we talked through it and set the record straight. But still, the idea that the Bible is just another piece of literature abounds.

Also, according to Liberal U, there is no such thing as an absolute truth. Nothing. Not even in grammar. My editing class is probably my favorite by far, but even there the professor will assert something and proceed to explain how this is only kind of true in some cases.

I will concede that English grammar is wonky and absolutes are more difficult to come by, but his approach seems so...lax perhaps? that it leaves students confused. How can anyone learn in an environment in which there are no absolutes--in grammar, morality, or otherwise?

Nineteen more class days, and I will happily leave public education behind me!

I long for time to read good books, God-honoring books, thought provoking books, books of my own choosing--not ones that someone somewhere deemed worthy of secular study.

New Month, New Matter

2008-10-01T14:05:00.002-05:00

Subject matter, that is.

I fell rather flat on my September wifery reading, but I did finish and enjoy and learn from John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life. I decided that The Christ-Centered Marriage wasn't very helpful for me. And interior decorating? Probably something that can wait: mostly, I just dreamed when I looked at books full of beautiful home photography. I've got a lot of things I could be doing instead.

This month's topic is more practical: nutrition. There are two goals here:
-Solidify my thoughts on various schools of nutrition thought
-Create enough menus (entrees and side dishes) to get us through an entire month

For marriage, I'll be reading When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey--the only book I forgot to get at the library!

And under theology, I'm excited to dive into C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity.

I'm looking forward to these books and ideas--far more than I am my actual university work!

A Challenge

2008-09-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

I didn't really mean to write a whole bunch of posts on Philippians 4:8, but I did and it made me think about my pursuits and habits.

So now I'm going to challenge myself: no secular TV or music or radio for the month of October.

If in one afternoon a Christian movie and listening to the Christian radio station changed the way I think and what I think about, what would an entire month do? I cut out some secular music and felt free, maybe this will be more of the same in a good way.

It'll be hard in a non-Christian home, but mostly I'll just have to steer clear of the living room after dinner. I think I can handle that.

My final farewell to the secular world is an excellent song by Montgomery Gentry, a country duo who have come a long way through life and are changed (and changing) men--you can see it in their music: their newest song really touched my heart.

And it's a perfect example that secular isn't bad, that it can be good and God-honoring, but I think a hiatus will do me some good. Feel free to join me!

Out to the Movies and Philippians 4:8

2008-09-30T17:52:00.002-05:00

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."--Philippians 4:8

I have been to the cinema twice in the past four days and had two very different experiences.

The first, with my cousins. I was housesitting/babysitting for my lovely cousins who are 12 and 16. The movie was total smut: the language, the costumes, the content. And the plot was awful which doesn't help, gaps and themes left languishing. But just the number of times the word "sexy" was used--and that the message wasn't a whole lot deeper--left me troubled.

I wasn't sure what was worse: the movie or the fact that my cousins came out of it gushing that it was the best movie they had ever seen. EVER.

I felt...dirty afterwards, like I had seen something that I shouldn't have. I felt like flesh; that might not make sense, but I have no other way to describe it.

Today, I went and saw Fireproof this afternoon. Totally different experience.

I laughed, I cried, I contemplated. Other than the fact that it was a Christian film with edification as one of its goals, the most distinguishable difference was that it made me think. I called Jay and was more intentional with my words; I drove home pondering how to prepare for marriage; I prayed over news items I heard on the radio.

Good, godly entertainment and media can elevate our thoughts and point us toward God and living in His righteousness. You can probably guess which of these movies passed the Philippians 4:8 test...

Simple Woman's Daybook

2008-09-29T13:14:00.004-05:00

Since I'm home today and currently procrastinating, I thought I'd give this a try...

For Today…September 29th, 2008

Outside my Window…sunshine, crisp autumn breeze, a car that desperately needs to be vacuumed

I am thinking…about vacuuming said car and the rest of my "to-dos"

From the learning rooms…catching up on seminar and editing homework.

I am thankful for…this day off!

From the kitchen…leeks. I learned that I'm not crazy about them on their own, but they might be good in soup or something.

I am wearing…new knee socks (the cousins I babysat this weekend are crazy about cute knee socks, so we all got some), long shorts, sweatshirt. I didn't exactly get dressed this morning...

I am reading…anything and everything from my Google Reader.

I am hoping…to get everything done.

I am creating…a possible blog in my future about all things book related from a Christian perspective--but it's still in the thought process...

I am hearing…Law and Order; Dad's home sick watching TV (not my choice in programming...)

Around the house…library books, library books, library books! They all need to go back so I can start on my October syllabus! :)

One of my favorite things…being at home, like today!!

I am praying for…Jay's sister

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week…school on Wednesday, catching up on some blog writing (I've been rather lax lately), library browsing, cattle milking

I accomplished since last week…gave a presentation on proper colon use--exciting, right?

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you... this is me when I was little in my aunt's dairy princess crown. Foreshadowing of things to come...

Philippians 4:8 and My Music Collection

2008-09-29T12:02:00.002-05:00

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I went through my music collection to determine what was true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.

Let me tell you, it was slim pickins.

First, I got rid of the obviously sinful music from my high school days: rap with profanity, etc. Easy peasy.

Then, I started to look at what I had left. Was it good enough if it didn't have swear words? That's the wrong question because I'm not looking for what's "good enough"--I'm looking for truth, purity, and everything else from Philippians 4:8. Here are a few examples.

I came to the High School Musical soundtrack. Clean lyrics, clean topics. But at the heart of the music was the idea that everyone is a star, and everything is about me. That is neither true nor admirable nor excellent. Had to go.

Also, a mix of cowboy tunes. I'm pretty sure the lyrics are clean; there might be a stray cuss or two. All of the songs centered around how great it is to live in the country, to be a cowboy or cowgirl, to be different. Is this praiseworthy? Not really. CD, meet garbage can.

My collection of bubblegum pop--Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, etc.--was another one that made me wonder what to do. Ultimately, I threw them out, too. They are not entirely pure or noble and thus not excellent and praiseworthy.

In the end, I threw out 34 CDs. Then I went back through and pulled five more. And a DVD.

I thought I'd be sad or feel like I had lost something. But I feel liberated from things. I feel rather free, and I love it: no sin sitting in my bedroom, waiting for my ears to approach.

Skipper, Skipper

2008-09-23T20:33:00.002-05:00

Yes, tomorrow I'm skipping chapel.

Oh wait...I don't actually go to a school that has chapel! But Jay's college does, and I've been going with him on my school days.

But not tomorrow.

I've discovered that there's a CVS on the road leading to his school, and tomorrow I'm going to shop for fancy deals! I've read so many wives and mothers blog about their great finds and bargains from CVS, so I signed up for an ExtraCare Card and will finally be able to use it!!

Ha...is it sad that I'm really excited for this?!

The Joy of Audiobooks

2008-09-18T15:27:00.003-05:00

My commute to class is two hours one way. That's four hours every trip. Eight hours a week.

Radio gets old...real fast.

And let me tell you, I have found much joy and comfort in audiobooks. With a good narrator, a wonderful story can come to life before your very ears and won't even take your concentration from the road.

But, I have found that it can't be any old book. My first was a secular novel that had many wonderful qualities, but something was missing.

God.

While I haven't yet moved from novels, I have moved on to ones that glorify Him: The Harmony Series by Phillip Gulley.

Whether it's in the CD player or in print (or the cassette player even if your car's as old as mine), this is a delightful series about the ups and downs of small town life through the eyes of a Quaker pastor. They say Phillip Gulley is a cross between Jan Karon and Garrison Keillor. Works for me.

It's nice to know that I'm passing my time with something more worthwhile.

Has anybody else taken comfort in audiobooks? Any recommendations? It seems I'll have plenty of time to get through them.

Oh, irony...

2008-09-18T15:27:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, while walking through University Square (shops and eateries...basically a small mall) and saw the funniest thing:

A Buddhist monk with Starbucks.

It's totally irrelevant, not really edifying or useful, and doesn't mean my homework is any closer to being done...but it's funny.

And I felt like sharing.

Now I'm going to go bury myself in proper colon and semicolon usage.

Have a good weekend everybody!

Classifying Cows

2008-09-17T14:10:00.003-05:00

I can practically see the wrinkled foreheads. "What? Classifying cows? Like...in groups?"

No, classifying cows is when someone comes to your farm and gives each cow a score based on how she looks: the size and shape of her udder, how big her frame is, how correct her feet and legs are, etc.

For a lot of farms, it's just another thing you do, but at our place it's a big production: clipping two days ahead, washing the day before, special bedding, fluffing tails--yes, we go so far as to rat out the cows' tail hair.

Luckily, classification was on a Tuesday, the day that I'm home. I headed out to the barn and pitched in.

And my dad needed my help.

I washed this or that and fed beet pulp, I ran up to check on the barbecue and made sure clean guest towels were out. Having me there made the morning easier for Dad and (I like to think) more pleasurable.

I really enjoyed being able to serve my father in this way; I want to be out in the barn with him more often. I read somewhere--and of course, now I can't find where it was--that a daughter at home should help her father toward his goals. I like that. But for me it's twofold: I'm helping my father with his herd and showing him Christ's unselfish love.

It's a good place to be!

Finally!

2008-09-17T14:04:00.002-05:00

It is wonderful to have a laptop again; especially one that's so pretty!

You can expect more frequent updates now, and I can stay more organized instead of having a file on the home computer, another one I need from a public computer at the library, emailing them back and forth so that I can access them in the school's computer lab...

Can I just say that God is so good? I say that a lot, but it's completely true.

After crying and whining because I couldn't have just what I wanted just when I wanted it, I have learned that all things are sweeter when you wait for God's time and His ways.

More later, I'm off to class!

Batterie de Cuisine

2008-09-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

For my first foray into designing my future home, I'd like to begin with the kitchen. Who can resist pretty kitchen things, right?!

I've been reveling in all things French as of late; don't ask why, because I couldn't tell you. It's just a sudden fascination.

So I checked out a book from the library called Joie de Vivre and thoroughly enjoyed learning about French eating and cooking habits. One chapter on what the author uses in his kitchen (along with a Target wedding registry flyer that came in the mail) made me wonder:

What's a girl to put in her kitchen?

Here's the list--with the help of Target and Robert Arbor--that I came up with:

Pots: large, medium, small saucepan, and a frying pan (these I already have in a high-quality stainless steel with copper bottoms--Jay's birthday gift to me last summer!)

Pans: a little more complicated...
A 9x13
A jellyroll pan (can double as a cookie sheet--one less thing to store!)
A square 9x9
A round of about the same size
A loaf pan
A bundt pan
A pizza pan (I thought about leaving this out, but pizza is one of our favorites...)

Knives: paring knife, chef's knife, serrated bread knife

2 cutting boards (one for meat, one for everything else)

Utensils:
A few wooden spoons
Rubber spatula
Tongs
Whisk
Ladle
Grater
Pizza cutter
Flipper of some sort (for pancakes, eggs, etc.)
Can opener
Colander

Set of nesting mixing bowls

Measuring cups and spoons

A beautiful, gleaming, red KitchenAid mixer. Necessity? No. Longtime dream appliance? Yes'm.

And beautiful aprons and kitchen towels.

I want to keep my kitchen from being cluttered, especially since we'll probably be in a small apartment in the early years.

Am I missing anything essential?

Marriage License--A Learner's Permit

2008-09-12T18:26:00.002-05:00

It's already two weeks into September and I've hardly touched The Christ-Centered Marriage, but I'm pickin' up my slack and already discovered this gem (not written by the author, but Michael P. Horban):

"Marriage License--A Learner's Permit

"It's a wise groom who has to be dragged to the altar. He knows what love is. It's death! If the lovers don't know this, they're headed for trouble. Never will you have your way again. You can't be happy if hte other person isn't. No matter who wins the argument, you lose. Always. The sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be.

"Love is an exercise in frustration. You leave the window up when you want it down. You watch someone else's favorite television program. You kiss when you have a headache. You turn the music down when you like it loud. You learn to be patient without sighing or sulking.

"Love is doing things for the other person. In marriage two become one. But the one isn't you. It's the other person. You love this person more than you love yourself. This means that you love this person as she or he is. We should ask ourselves frankly what that impulse is that makes us want to redesign the other person. It isn't love. We want the other person to be normal, like us! But is that loving the other person or ourselves?

"Love brings out the best in people. They can be themselves without artificiality. People who know they're loved glow with beauty and charm. Let this person talk. Create the assurance that any idea, any suggestion, any feeling can be expressed and will be respected. Allow the other person to star once in a while. A wife's joke doesn't have to be topped. Don't correct your husband in the middle of his story. Cultivate kind ways of speaking. It can be as simple as asking them instead of telling them what to do.

"Don't take yourself too seriously. Married life is full of crazy mirrors to see ourselves--how stubborn, how immature we really are. You may be waiting for your wife to finish because you never lifted a finger to help her.

"Love is funny. Its growth doesn't depend on what someone does for you. It's in proportion to what you do for him or her. The country is swarming with people who never learned this. So are the divorce courts."

Dream Board

2008-09-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

While I have lovely intentions of using my mental images of that "dream farm" to keep myself in check (saving instead of spending, using my time wisely, cultivating the skills needed, etc.), I find myself sinking into selfishness, materialism, sluggishness, wasting of time...you get the drill.

So what's a girl to do? Go from mental images to visual aids! Like this one....

With Scripture to remind me of the why and the how and the Who,

Beautiful scenery to inspire, cute country kids to remind me to pray for our future children...

And always at the front of my mind: this is to be for the glory of God.

To raise godly children.
To make neighbors question our joy--even to the point of asking.
To show those neighbors Christ's love through service.
To care for fellow believers, weary and in need of repose from the world.
To care for the earth and behold God's awesome Creation.

I look at my dream board constantly now...I think it'll help!

What do you do to help spur you on toward goals?

Best Choices

2008-09-09T14:18:00.002-05:00

“During the time that my husband and I worked to establish a biblical view of success, I sought to answer for myself, ‘What is my goal as a wife?’ What I decided that day, tewnty-five years ago, remains the same today: One day I want to hear God say to Kent, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Master.’ As Kent’s helper in this life, those words will be my joy.”
-Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Woman (bold emphasis mine)

Wow. When I read that a few weeks ago, I was stunned. Speechless. Flabbergasted.

In awe.

It was so simple: the end goal is to hear God say those precious words to Jay, to know that I have lived as my husband’s helper.

Yet how does this play out in the here and now? If I am to be my (future) husband’s helper, I need to adopt his goals. If we don’t have the same mutual goals, then we can’t be going in the same direction! Through long discussions we’ve had, I realize these as Jay’s big picture goals:

To be a godly man (with a strong marriage, of course!).
To go to graduate school and become a professor.
To own a farm where we can “subdue” and care for a piece of God’s earth.*
To raise a family of children who love the Lord, are homeschooled by their mom, and enjoy/excel in whatever they decide to do with their lives.

Are these things necessarily God's plan? Maybe not, but we don't know that they aren't either. So, my goals in this year of preparation for marriage should align with and well serve these goals, meaning that I will:

Spend time with the Lord, growing closer to Him and learning His Word and drawing strength from Him. Also, learning about marriage from a biblical standpoint.
Begin saving money for the future (ie: house downpayment for some day) and paying off our student loans.
Learn about how to best use our resources once we are married (budgeting, etc.).
Learn how to care for and run a home.

Having that list before me and thinking through my typical day, I know some things need to change. I’ve been pouring a lot of time into my university classes—as can be expected—but I’m not getting a lot out of them: these are the I-have-to-take-this-to-graduate classes. I should do quality work, but there is no need to go overboard when in the grand scheme of my life analyzing Clytemnestra’s motivations to murder her husband, Agamemnon, matters very little.

So, I’m moving on to not the good, not the better, but the best: preparing for my calling as a wife.

*As a side note, Mr. Jay mentioned that this lovely farm will have a big ol’ library, but I think he said that for me more than anything else—what a sweetie!

Reality Check

2008-09-07T21:59:00.002-05:00

Jay came home this weekend; it was wonderful to have him. Until we made a heartwrenching discovery.

His sister, Katie, asked for help on her biology homework. At some point the conversation turned to religion and Katie--saved, attends church with her family--tells Jay that she doesn't believe in God.

To make matters worse, when we talked to his parents, they already knew. Had known for a long time. Hadn't told us. Or anybody.

Jay and I spent a generous portion of time on our knees last night (and I feel bad for the drool/snot/tear stain I left the size of a swimming pool).

We had to keep asking ourselves, what are we doing? What have we been doing? Our sins are so egregious and so prevalent, and we let it slide because we're saved. We'll serve God later, but right now fill-in-the-blank is more pressing.

God has already brought glory to Himself in all of this: humbling the two of us, convicting us, changing us so that He can use us for whatever He has waiting.

If she died tonight, what would happen to her? Jay tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen. We need to pray. We need to search God's Word. We need to change our ways.

I know that this was ramble-esque, but I still can't quite wrap my brain around it all.

Please pray for Katie.

Choices

2008-09-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

Wednesday night, when I got back home from my first day of commuting, I came in the front door laden down with a lunchbox, a few empty pop cans (hey, it was an "on pop" day!), a half-zipped backpack, and zero energy.

"Hey, you're home!" Mom shouted cheerily from the living room. After the two hour commute home, that was just more pep than I could handle.

This is going to be a trying semester: the work will be intense, the morning will come earlier than i want, the driving alone will be exhausting. I'll have to really work at not being crabby!

But even though it will be hard, I can't imagine doing it any other way; just wandering my downtown campus reminded me of the cramped, cold, godless life I was surrounded by in the city. I chose the commute to save my spirit from the deep depression that those surroundings were bringing on in my soul.

I also chose this path for financial reasons: because I'll only be paying for gas (not rent, utilities, full groceries, and a roommate's gas because she maxed out her credit cards and is broke again), I 'll spend half as much--which is that much more Jay and I can squirrel away for the future. If I just keep our goals in front of my eyes (a dairy farm of our own with a big garden and...well, I'll tell you more about that soon), every decision is easier.

I want our dream farm and the life that can be possible there enough to drive four hours round trip for classes, go without new thises and new thats, eat out of a lunchbox instead of grabbing food at the nearest cafe. That is my choice.

But it doesn't mean I'm not going to be tired in the here and now!

More than Music, part 2

2008-09-03T08:04:00.000-05:00

While I had the ol' Discman out already, I started flipping through my CD collection and found the soundtrack from the musical Rent.

If you aren't familiar with Rent, it's about a diverse group of people in terms of sexual preferences as they deal with having (and with each other having) AIDS. One song alone (La Vie Boheme) praises such things as hating parents, masturbation, feminist authors, rebellion, and more overt talk of sex than is necessary.

I wish that I could say that this was a film and album that I enjoyed before coming to Christ, but I first saw it some time after. I got caught up in the wonderful harmonies and the excellent use of language (even though the subject matter is horrible, the diction and word choice is really exquisite) and tried to rationalize watching it, but I can't imagine now how I did.

I snapped the disc in half and threw it in the garbage; it has no place taking up room in my life or my mind.

The Philippians 4:8 Test
From now on, music has to easily pass the Philippians 4:8 test before it is added to my collection:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

My only question is how does this apply to the radio? I can't just flip to the next song, or even the next station when I'm in the barn (the radio is up high out of reach so the cows don't get to it). Any thoughts?

More than Music

2008-09-02T15:44:00.002-05:00

Jay has my MP3 player with him at school. I don't have my laptop anymore. I don't have my own radio in my room.

What's a girl who needs a music fix to do? Snag her little brother's old Discman.

Okay, okay, I didn't "snag" it; he's letting me borrow it, because it's not like he uses it anyway.

For nostalgia's sake at this old-fangled thing, I picked up a Miley Cyrus CD from the library...it was fun to listen to the peppy beats and sing along to the quickly-learned choruses.

A funny thing that I can't explain happened: later that night, I put the CD in again while going to pick up my brother from pep band. I was hit with this huge wave of desire for stuff. New this, new that...it was really odd. Here's my theory: the music brought back lots of memories from high school, and with those fun memories come all of the "No, I can't come" because I don't have money memories, the intense wanting memories, the everybody-has-more-than-me memories.

I don't like feeling so materialistic; I have more than enough nice things.

I ran into another problem with this CD: if I am in a happy, healthy relationship, why am I enjoying songs about break up and the emotions that come with it? Why do I feel the need to revel in someone else's anger?

Got me to thinkin'.

There is nothing inherently wrong or sinful about this music: the lyrics are clean, the themes are generally having fun with girlfriends, etc. But would something else be better? And what would be best?

Skin Care

2008-09-02T06:54:00.001-05:00

I've never been very good at taking care of my skin, and it constantly shows all over my face! Funny how that works, right?

While I could say that I was nobly taking up a serious attitude about skin care and other health related interests for the sake of just that--my health--but for this one, that's not the case.

I just want to have pretty skin. Especially for my wedding pictures.

Is that so much to ask?

So, my action plan for the month includes:
-Cutting out pop until I only drink it on weekends
-Cutting down on junk food here and there (specifics as yet to be seen because it's not something I've ever monitored--maybe that's the first step)
-Drinking 64 ounces of water a day
-Washing my face twice daily (yeah, it's sad that that's a problem for me, but I'm honestly pretty lazy in this department)

Anything else I should be thinking of? Or any product recommendations? I'm currently using Clean & Clear and like it; it's tingly, and my skin feels clean, so I figure that's good.

It's September 2, and I haven't missed a face wash yet...that's a start, right?

Haircut!

2008-09-01T14:09:00.003-05:00

What do you think? After a homemade botch job between my bangs (done by yours truly) and the rest of my hair (because I insisted that Mom should give it a try), I'll be visiting a salon to cut my hair from now on--at least through the wedding; I don't want any unfortunate hair on that day!

Speaking of the wedding, my iGoogle countdown tells me it's 299 days away! Ha...I don't know if I should be excited because it's close or sad because it's still so far off!

Here's something from yesterday's church bulletin that I thought was thought provoking:

"The best kind of pride is that which compels a man to do his best work--even when no one is looking.

A man has happiness in the palm of his hand if he can fill his days with REAL work and his nights with REAL rest.

Sign in store window: WANTED--a clerk to work 8 hours a day to replace one who didn't.

....Thank God every morning when yhou get up that you have something to do which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and contentment, and a hundred other virtues which the idle never know."

And on that note...I've got to tidy up my room and my car before school starts! Wednesday's the big day--yipes!

Happy Labor Day, everybody!

Weekly Schedule

2008-08-29T14:18:00.003-05:00

All summer, I have felt rather disorganized. Granted, my whole life was kind of disorganized in that "summer's here!" kind of way, but with fall and classes coming up, I'm ready for a bit of structure. With that in mind I created a rough weekly schedule. How you might ask?

Timed commitments
I created a MS Excel document and set up a chart with the days of the weeks and hours (I'd show you because it's even color coordinated, but I'm at the library and the file's at home...but next month I'll have a laptop and that won't be a problem! :), and then I filled in the commitments that have certain times attached to them:
-Work
-Commuting (eight hours a week?! yikes!!)
-Class
-Church

Untimed necessaries
Some things in life that are necessary don't have a neat, packaged timeframe within which you must complete them. Some of these things include:
-House chores
-Time with the Lord (okay, nobody's forcing you, but good luck without it!)
-Homework (for the students out there)
-Writing (I'm working on a novel now and like to have time carved out to think about/draft blog posts)
-Other reading (for me, this is my Wifery 101 reading that never has an actual class, but that I push myself to do; I split it into Deep Reading for marriage and theology and Subject Reading for real estate or decorating or whatever I'm studying at the moment)

And probably others depending on who you are.

Allowing time
I would feel very blocked in if I scheduled Deep Reading from 2-4 on Tuesdays or something like that, so I gave myself quite a bit of freedom: At the bottom of my weekly schedule, I wrote one thing--homework, subject reading, etc.--that I should be focused on that day. This allows me freedom to help Dad in the barn with the cows or go window shopping in the afternoon and still read x number of chapters about window coverings (though I don't think any of my subject crash courses will allow that kind of depth!). Accomplishment at my own pace, even when life gets in the way; that works for me!

Setting limits
This is a part of my weekly schedule that I haven't set yet but am working on. Especially with media, it is easy to become so absorbed in something that we get lose track of time. If I'm going to accomplish much of anything this year, I can't get too caught up in the entire archives of a vintage postcard blog--but I should have time to enjoy looking a little.

Setting time limits on TV, computer, magazine reading, whatever, seems to be the best option for me. I just have to figure out what those limits are!

To anyone out there who has set limits or simply has a great way of keeping himself/herself on track and scheduled (to any degree!), let me in on your secrets; I'd love to hear 'em!

Edits...

2008-08-28T20:25:00.001-05:00

Undergoing a wee bit of maintenance...no, "sprucing up" we'll say; I've got new notebooks for a new school year, so why not a new blog template to go with it?

A Syllabus After My Own Heart

2008-08-27T12:01:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I go nuts on the first day of classes: neat, organized syllabi--some even with...wait for it...STAPLES!!! because the have just so darn much information!--that I can three hole punch and place in my binder to be my guiding light in the semester to come.

Deep breath. Or two.

Anyway, I'm trying to say that I like having a neat reading and discussion list to wrap my brain around; it helps me focus.

In the coming year, I have a lot of learning to do in terms of running a home and a lot of decisions to make. I want to walk into marriage as prepared as possible: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Every month, I have five topics that I read about and study:
Theology/Christian Living: one book per month
Skill: Ranging from meal planning to insurance policies, I'll read whatever I can get from the library and practice hands-on, too
Marriage: one book per month
Health Emphasis: not too much "reading" on this one, but I'm not very consistent with certain maintenance things and haven't taken very good care of myself, so this is my push to do so
Extra Credit: If I read all of the books on my monthly list, I'm giving myself $30 to spend on clothes. Each month there will be an additional "extra credit" book that will add $5 to that total if it is finished as well.

If you would like to peek into my year, go ahead and read the syllabus; it may change as needed, but overall I'm pretty happy with it. If you have a resource you want to recommend, though, I won't turn you away! :)

Today's Goals

2008-08-26T08:16:00.003-05:00

I don't usually post about my daily to-do list, but this is my blog and I can list if I want to!

Ha...no, I usually don't simply because it's boring; however, I need that someone-else-read-that-I-said-I-would-do-this-so-I'd-better-do-it motivation.

So, today's goals are:
-Create a blogroll of blogs I'm enjoying
-Create my "syllabus" for the year
-Create my weekly schedule because the school year is quickly upon me!
-Figure out daily routines because my day sorely lacks routine
-Laundry. Laundry, laundry, laundry!

(Hopefully, the washing machine guy fixes the problem and we don't have to set a 50 pound bag of cow feed on top of the machine to keep it from flying open anymore!)

So...what's on your agenda? Yeah, I'm talking to you. Yes, you, the pretty one at the computer screen? Please, share a little bit about your to-dos with me!

Tea Trouble

2008-08-25T22:20:00.002-05:00

After a long hiatus, I have returned! Jay is safely back at school, I'm trying to catch up on laundry and everything that I let fall to the wayside, and things seem calmer for the moment.

So, I decided to take up a new hobby: drinking tea. I bought some, I brought it home, I made a cup, and made a horrible discovery.

I don't like tea.

But I have always loved the idea of tea.

So...what's a girl to do?!

Self-Mutilation

2008-08-20T08:22:00.003-05:00

Well, Jay and I jumped full into a self-mutilating cult...

Ha! Just kidding! We helped my dad unload hay--five big ol' wagons of it. I guess you can't see it as well as I had hoped in the picture, but our arms were really, REALLY scratched up!

And today's agenda? We're road trippin' back to the Big City to clean out my ex-apartment with my ex-roommate (finally!!) but more on that later...

Happy Wednesday!

"Do You Feel Like a Human?"

2008-08-19T09:43:00.000-05:00

My feet have always been a source of attention getting in my life.

Once, while baby-sitting my second cousins, I took them to a birthday party in their neighborhood. The kids were running around in the backyard, the mothers were all talking together, and I was left to my own devices.

I've always hated wearing shoes, so I slipped off my sneakers and socks and padded across the hot deck. I hadn't realized just how hot the deck was until I was halfway across and proceeded to make those funny arm gestures and facial expressions that people do when they walk across hot sand.

Once across the foot-scalding, sand-like deck, I collapsed into a deck chair and held my feet slightly off of the ground to avoid the heat. Watching the kids play made it easy to settle in and relax (and enjoy just how easy this baby-sitting gig was!)

After a few minutes, a small Korean boy looked over at me. His silky black hair shone in the sun as he galloped over to my chair, brown eyes wide with wonder as he stared at my feet. His dinner plate eyes didn't change as he looked up and they locked with mine.

"Do you feel like a human?" he asked, his mesmerized gaze returning to my feet. I kindly explained that I was just born that way; he sauntered off, not a little disappointed. I was able to keep my composure for only a minute--just long enough for him to become engrossed in the games once again.

I let out a snicker which turned into a giggle and a full-on howl. The mothers looked my way, all curious. I went over to the table that they had crowded around, no longer noticing the heat of the deck.

I looked at the young boy's mother and told her what he had said. She didn't join in my laughter; she simply closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Oh no...not again."

"Again?" I asked.

"Well, you see..." she began, embarrassed to be telling the story at all, "When we lived in Korea, there weren't very many black people, and my son had never seen someone with skin that dark except for on TV. My husband is a huge golf fan, so the first time my son did see a black man in a Toys R Us, he shouted, 'Mommy, MOMMY!! It's Tiger Woods!' Luckily, the man was very flattered, but I was mortified..."

Hey, at least the kid assumed the guy was human!

One Week?

2008-08-18T16:35:00.003-05:00

My blogging lately (or perhaps always) has been pretty sporadic. Add in the fact that my dear Jay is leaving for his last year of college one week from today...I'm one sporadic, distracted girl.

As much as I would love to dive into all sorts of articles about what I plan to read this fall, my own school preparation, anecdotes about this foot o'mine (trust me, the funny stories will flow!), and my latest caffeine battle, this week I'm just enjoying Jay, which means things like:

Bouncing a bouncy ball in his driveway. Just because we don't have to do anything else.

Making late night grilled cheese sandwiches before going home.

Late nights altogether.

Packing his things and making sure he'll have everything he needs...and maybe a little more.

Watching sappy movies and screaming, "Don't look at me!" because I'm embarrassed.

Going to the gas station. Every night. And maybe sometimes during the day...(yeah, I'm letting all caffeine/carbonated anything restriction go for now; I have more important things on my plate!)

Laughing. About nothing. And everything. And because we're scared. And because we'll miss each other but don't want to say so. Not yet.

I'll still post regularly I imagine...but my heart won't be in it; my heart's attached to that fella like peanut butter to bread.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Monday!

My Foot

2008-08-15T07:40:00.006-05:00

So, in my last entry, I mentioned something about a new foot. "A new foot?" you say. "How on earth does a person get a new foot?

When her foot looks like this...

When I was born, I only had two toes on my left foot. It didn't grow at the same rate of my other foot. We know that it's not a mutation or a genetic disease because between the two toes (you can kind of see it in the photo) are two bumps where other toes started to form; the "foot growing" gene simply shut off part of the way through development.

For scale...

This has caused a lot of headache over the years in a lot of ways: teasing, special shoes, doctor's trips, additional medical expenses. But I've written some terrific essays and had some amazing experiences because of it. And hilarious stories.

Like the little Korean boy who asked me if I felt like I was a human. And his mom who said, "Oh no...not again," when I told her what happened.

Or my friend who didn't know about it (I thought she did...) and thought I had had a recent accident or something. And then we convinced her I got hit by a semi truck...but the 13-year-old giggles didn't hold back for long and gave us away.

This is my prosthesis; it fits onto my foot like a sock kind of and fills up the end of my shoe. It's flexible enough for walking or running and is the best prosthesis I've had to date. But...it's four years old. God has seen fit to bless me with something like...

Sorry it's blurry, but it's perfect. I've seen them; they look so real. This is a silicone foot prosthesis that has been matched perfectly with the person's skin tone, veins, even toe nails on the other foot. And get this: you can even paint the toenails.

I appreciated being able to buy the above sandals; trust me, it was a pretty big moment after years of a prosthesis that only allowed me to wear boots and tennis shoes. But, admittedly, I still yearn for flip flops and from the sounds of it, I'll be able to wear them come Christmas time! Flip flops in the snow? After twenty-one years of waiting, I'm more than up for it!

So, step one is for them to do a mold of both feet. Wanna see?

They mold both feet so that they can get the details just right. How cool is that?! The guys who work on these came from the East Coast and despite a minor dispute over what we think of the Yankees, they were excellent to work with. They'll take the mold back out with them and come back around Christmas with the unpainted product, then they'll spend a day or two observing the coloring in my right foot (apparently it changes when sitting versus moving) and painting.

It still hasn't really hit me that this is going to happen...it seems too good to be true. Praise God for His goodness and love that surpasses need!!!

Whirlwind...

2008-08-13T16:56:00.003-05:00

Somedays, things just happen fast.

The past twenty-four hours has been one of those and then some.

Jay's family bought him (read: us) a car.
My family bought me (read: use for now, the little brother gets it when I get married) a car.
Jay found out that he'd been passed up for a job he was banking on because of staffing changes.
I'm getting a new foot. Yeah, that makes no sense right now, but it will be soon.
My baby calf, Coffee, died this morning. Her mom died just a few days earlier.

How does everything pile up in such a short amount of time?!

It's funny...at the beginning of the summer when Jay and I were uber frustrated: unable to find work, afraid about not having money or a car, etc. I finally gave it all to God and said, "Jay, by the end of the summer, we're going to be able to say, 'God is so good,' even when people expect summer stories about vacations and jobs and such."

After the cars, Jay agreed with me. Then the job issue came up; Jay struggled, I stood by him. Then the calf died; I crumbled, he held me up. We were each tempted to say that God wasn't so good, but we didn't.

We know better, no matter what thing happens.

Syllabus Time!

2008-08-12T13:13:00.000-05:00

Books started arriving for school. I love books. I love school. I love school schedules that...tell you when to read the books, and what parts, and what you're likely to get out of them. Moving on...

I once stumbled onto a website called Women at Home University; it was a collection of articles on homemaking as well as a four-year reading plan for the wife-to-be. I fell in love with it and could hardly wait to launch into "wife bootcamp."

Notice all of this is in the past tense. If you click on the above link, you will find nothing more than a blank window when you visit W@HU. And you will be devastated.

So, after spending a moment or two being devastated, be sure to come back here and let me know if you have any favorite books on the following topics:

Marriage
Homemaking/housekeeping
Interior decorating/design
Cooking
Nutrition
Personal Finance
Budgeting
Insurance

Also, to the married ladies out there, any other topics I should be studying at this time. Since I love syllabi and school so much, I plan to make a syllabus for the upcoming year to plan before getting married. When I have ideas and have formulated the "course," I'll post and let you know!

Olympics: Body Image as Idol--The Female Edition

2008-08-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, we looked at the men's side of the issue: they take steroid, they parade their muscles, etc. Today, it's time to look at the ladies.

I do not want to go into eating disorders, modesty, dress, these sorts of things today. People have written books, even shelves of books, on those topics. I want to address the de-feminization of women in sports.

Less Dance, More Skill

There was an article in USA Weekend

last week that featured Shannon Miller (from the Magnificent 7 in the 1996 Atlanta games) and one of this year's gymnasts, Shawn Johnson.

Johnson is sixteen years old and has trained in gymnastics since she was three. Says Johnson of the sport's shift to less dance technique and more skills:

"You'll still have some fans who will want to see the artistry of the past. But I think most will want to see the athletes performing skills that have never been seen before, taking the sport to the next level. It will be interesting to see who will be able to physically hold up under this system and who won't."

Perhaps I am very mistaken, but this quote gives the impression that power--those who can "physically hold up"--is more modern ("artistry of the past") and more desirable.

Where Have All the Girls Gone?
Watching gymnastics in the last Olympics, I noticed a change in the bodies of the gymnasts: instead of the long, lean muscles I was used to, I saw bulky shoulders and bulging thighs. Not that gymnasts should be extraordinarily thin or without muscle--they couldn't perform if those things were so--but it is a shift. Why?

"Shawn does flips and turns and moves that you're used to seeing the men do. Now, here comes this little firecracker on the floor doing the same things, and you're amazed."-Shannon Miller (emphasis mine)

Aha! In order to do the same tricks as the men, a girl would need similar muscles. Miller was amazed by Johnson's ability to keep up with the men; doesn't this show a woman's desire to be over a man? Suddenly women want to be like the men, to do their tricks with the same level of ability. If the workforce is any indication, women will not be content with equaling men in their field; they must surpass them.

If that is the case with gymnastics, who knows what it could look like in ten years.

Trickle Down Effect
I did gymnastics from eight years old to seventeen when our school's program was cut from the budget. I loved it. It strengthened my muscles, made me flexible, allowed me the artistic room to create my own beam and floor routines. It shaped the way I approached fitness.

The elite gymnasts around the world shaped the way all gymnasts on my team or at my local gym approached gymnastics. When Jaycie Phelps had a vault skill named after her, the best girls at our gym attempted it. When the elites swapped for a new kind of vault, so did we.

The point is, if gymnastics moves away from its feminine mix of dance and strength to simply strength, coaches at clubs and schools across the country will nix dance and poise for strength and power. Female gymnastics will be just like male gymnastics, just with ponytails.

God Loves the Ponytails
Deuteronony 22:5 states that "A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God." Likewise, a woman should look like a woman and act like a woman.

What need is there for women in gymnastics--or any other sport--to outperform or perform just like the men? Ladies, God created women to be women. So embrace the dancing, the ponytails, the curves, and everything else that comes with being a woman!

For the guys, I usually say, "At least they're not wearing Speedos..." but pretty soon that may be the only way we'd be able to tell the difference!

Olympics: Body Image as Idol

2008-08-11T08:50:00.000-05:00

I recently saw a TLC special called "The Man Whose Arms Exploded." It was about the man who holds the Guiness World Record for largest biceps, Gregg Valentino; his biceps were/are 27 inches in circumfrence--the size of some women's waists.

The program took a look at Valentino's heavy steroid use and the video coverage of when his arms--because they were so large and so drugged--began to leak blood and pus. Valentino required emergency surgery and was later arrested and jailed for steroid distribution.

While this is a sad story, the saddest part for me was the portion that looked more at men's body image and bodybuilding as a whole. It was horrible to watch grown men parade around a stage in their underwear, posing in hopes to make their muscles look bigger than the next guy's. They were tanned and greased and disgusting; you would have thought they were cattle at an auction.

The Greeks idolized the human body and its abilities, as evidenced throughout their art and love for sports. The ancient olympians competed in the nude, supposedly to perform better, but I am not convinced that there was no flexing or posing or greasing up to look more chiseled.

Perhaps our society has ventured back to a Greek appreciation of physicality: ultimate fighting is now highly popular on TV, and WWF still attracts a multitude of viewers. We place higher monetary value on sports stars and celebrities than on teachers and preachers. We spend oodles of money to worship them in their temples stadiums. We put their pictures on our walls so we can stare at them as we wish we had their bodies. Their talents. Their lives.

Yet we are Christians, called to use our bodies for God's purposes. These bodies are a means to an end, not an end to be glorified in and of themselves. Besides, one day when Jesus comes, He will "transform our lowly [bodies] to be like his glorious body," and all of the bodybuilding and yo-yo dieting and body worshiping will be for naught (Philippians 3:21).

Olympics: Sports or More?

2008-08-08T14:44:00.001-05:00

Tonight is the opening ceremony for the Olympic games. My family and I have always enjoyed watching the Olympics, particularly gymnastics as I did gymnastics for ten years growing up. However, I think that the Olympics and professional sports as they are today have lifted the physical capabilities of the human body to a level of worship and idolatry that can only be rivaled by the ancient Greeks.

Recently, Jay and I had a discussion about body image and how it has come to be revered in our culture: the body image of others, the body image of self, the quest for the perfect body.

Next week, I'll be doing a series that ties the ideas surrounding body image with the Olympic games and then to God's will for us concerning body image according to Scripture. I'm pretty pumped for it, so stay tuned!

Ugly Duckling No More?

2008-08-08T08:34:00.003-05:00

While working at the library yesterday, a sixteen-ish year old guy asked me if I needed help with anything.

Confused, I said, "I work here."
"I know; can I help you with anything?"
Still baffled, I repeated, "I work here."

He finally explained that he was a volunteer; I had totally missed his volunteer button. So, I gave him the rest of the cart that I was working on and went back for another one. I saw him a while later and figured it would be polite to thank him for his "help."

"And I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"Oh." He reached his hand out as if on autopilot, but there was a goofy expression on his face. "I'm Jay."
Before I could reply, I recognized the expression: it was the I'm-attracted-to-you-and-hope-you-are-to-me look.
Uh-oh.
Luckily, with a simple, "Oh, that'll be easy to remember: my fiancee's name is Jay," his jaw hit the floor, and he turned away hastily.

What is it with the library, huh? Back at the U in my old library, I was trying to find something in our system for a guy and everything was going wrong. While I frantically searched our databases, he asked all sorts of intrusive questions with that IATYAHYATM tone...until I was on the phone with another staffer and he saw my engagement ring. Enter jaw drop and tail between the legs retreat.

I see why Jay (my Jay, not volunteer Jay) wanted to get engaged so soon. Well, sort of. I've never been "pretty," my figure's the same as it was in high school (okay, in three years I've dropped three pounds, but I wouldn't call that life changing), I don't wear a lot of makeup, I dress conservatively and modestly...what gives?!

Sorry, that was all really random, but so was the entire "Can I help you?" event...

Dun, dun, du-dun!

2008-08-07T08:20:00.000-05:00

Friday, we ditched the fair for a well deserved "vacation": a day of driving (we had to travel over 100 miles for the wedding), shopping, lunch at a restaurant, and a beautiful wedding in the evening.

It was the most extravagant wedding I've ever been to, and it's among the very few Christian weddings I've been to--at least Christian in the sense of hearts truly after the Lord. Adam and Clair's story is so much like Jay's and mine: she was Catholic, became a Christian, they've grown together...there were lots of other similarities, too, but I can't recall them now.

The space was beautiful, the ceremony was intimate despite the crowd, the bride and groom were beaming; it really felt like a glimpse into the ultimate marriage feast.

Only we all know that will be so much better!

Here's the place...

The girls...

The guys...

Us... (sorry it's dark)

And the bride and groom... (sorry, Jay lopped their heads off)

I'm in full planning mode now, so stand back, and wait for the "do you like this?" and "can you use daisies for a bridal boquet?" posts to start filling the blogosphere...

Worry

2008-08-06T14:24:00.002-05:00

Last night, I wanted to panic, to cry, to crunch numbers like I do every semester in hopes that by totalling and dividing and refiguring the numbers, they will say something else.

Yes, folks, it's that time of year again: back-to-school, back to tuition bills. Plus, with commuting thrown in the mix, my parents and I have to figure out the vehicle situation.

My God is a god who has provided for my tuition money, rent, food, and everything for six semesters--and I fretted and lost sleep over each and every one of them.

Will I ever trust this God completely? He has never let me starve. He has always provided the necessary funds, even when they came from unlikely sources or at the last moment.

Oh me of little faith...I know He will provide and I trust Him to do so, but when will I simply trust, first and foremost before anything else?

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.^"
-Matthew 6:26-27, 34

Music!

2008-08-05T08:51:00.001-05:00

I wanted to post this on Friday, but we were off at a wedding (which was beautiful, and I hope to post a few pictures soon!), so here's something new to my blog: monthly music choices.

I adore music--like just about everybody else in the world. I don't want to overwhelm anyone with my likes and favorites, but here are a few I'd like to highlight this month...

Country: Phil Vassar-Love is a Beautiful Thing
Can you tell I was just to a wedding?!

Christian: Shawn McDonald-Yahweh
Less than twenty words, but each word is hard-hitting in this simple, soulful song.

Worship: MercyMe-I Can Only Imagine
I had never seen worship at a wedding before. Growing up Catholic, sure there was singing because the usual Mass went along with the wedding, but it was the same, dry, unfeeling singing like any other Sunday. At this wedding, there was real worship from the whole crowd that brought my heart to where it needed to be focused: on the God who orchestrated the events, lives, and purposes of the man and woman in front. I would want to use this song for my own wedding; it always brings tears to my eyes.

Hymn: Randy Travis-Blessed Assurance
Admittedly, I wanted to include this song as sung by Alan Jackson, as his rendition is the first hymn I really learned. So beautiful. Randy Travis does good work, too!

Musical: Audrey Hepburn-I Could Have Danced All Night (My Fair Lady)
I. Love. Audrey Hepburn. And this song is so very sweet and innocent--and fun to sing!

There you have it. These songs will be in my player (see the bottom of my blog) all month.

What are you listening to right now, hmm?

Fair Notes

2008-07-31T07:01:00.000-05:00

1. Sunscreen is imperative. Otherwise, racoon eyes will appear!

2. People generally need to put on more clothing.

3. Large groups of people working together encourage gossip. That's something that has been so far from me for so long...it felt really odd to hear, "Well, so and so did this..."

4. Did I mention sunscreen?

5. If the cheese curd guy knows your dad from their college days, you're golden.

6. Water is your best friend. After sunscreen, of course.

7. Today is demo derby night. Meaning? I'm going to be one tired girl...

I work 9:30-2 at the library, then 3:30-10 at the fair...oh my...

Hope everyone out there is having an excellent week! Hopefully, I'll be back to a more substantial posting schedule soon!

Feelin' Feminine

2008-07-28T16:00:00.000-05:00

There is a wonderful new website out there that you (and you, and you, and you, and you...) should check out. It's feelinfeminine.com, created, as stated in its mission statement, to encourage "young ladies to rediscover the treasure of dressing femininely modest. So we may be an example in a world where true beauty has been lost that we may bring glory to God."

After the crazy week of the fair is over, you will see this appear in my sidebar:

The site discusses the reasons for modest dress, challenges, and various articles and discussions about femininity in general, from handwriting to sewing.

I hope that you will check out Feelin' Feminine, ponder what you've seen, and really take to heart what it means to dress modestly and beautifully as a Christian woman! I'm hoping to do the challenge sometime this fall, so stay tuned!

The FAIR!

2008-07-26T13:37:00.002-05:00

Guess what's in town ladies and gents?

The county fair!!!!!

Yes, I am a total nerd and love to spend my days in the 4-H dairy barn, talking with farmers, eating cheese curds, and leading cows in circle in front of a judge. Call me crazy.

For that reason, you may not see me around too much this week, but I'm going to try to break a way once or twice to post on the fair, a friend's wedding that we're traveling for (Jay and I have a big day planned of school shopping, Applebee's eating, road trip music listening...), and a special announcement on Monday on behalf of a friend.

So stay close to your computer, even though I won't be! Or don't: it's summer and you should be out and about too!

Color Your World

2008-07-25T16:54:00.000-05:00

Welcome back to Fashion Fridays!

One thing I've been reading about in terms of creating a simple, cohesive wardrobe is palette.

Do I look good in every color? No.
Do I need to wear every color? No.

I enjoy a blog called The Space Between My Peers, and Rebecca recently wrote about her own color palette. I was surprised by how few colors she shops for consistently! So, here are mine:

I recently found out that I wear yellow very well; the bright pink can be just about any variety of pink so long as it isn't too pastel; grey is my favorite neutral. I also wear the bottom colors as accents, along with most neutrals (white, black, denim).

It's nice to have these colors in mind for when I shop: things are more likely to flatter me in these colors, and they'll almost always be mix-and-matchable!

And what colors dominate in your closet?

Media Glutton

2008-07-25T08:13:00.003-05:00

So, after revisiting my post yesterday and really looking at all of those things I had checked out, I realized that I could not properly enjoy them all within the two to three weeks that I had with them.

That's four movies and five books--it does not include the CDs I had by the computer or the other novel in my purse. I always end up with this predicament: too much great stuff, not enough time.

I've skimmed a few of the books, I've watched two of the movies. I haven't had time for more, and really shouldn't spend all of my time just consuming entertainment or information; I've got to use it sometime!

So, only one of those books stayed (plus the novel in the purse because a girl needs something to read when she's out and about!). All of the movies are going back, too. The music is now saved to my hard drive for later.

I'll admit, without that big stack of things waiting for me to dive into, I feel much better about diving into what's actually in front of me.

Here are a few tips I've found useful for avoiding media overload/glutton:
1. Only check out what you can actually handle at a time. Can you keep up with multiple story lines? Great, check out a whole armful. I find that one novel and one nonfiction book at a time allows me to give adequate attention to both.
2. Don't let all of those books invade a calm space. Create a place to store materials so that you can enjoy what you have now and easily reach for more when you are ready.
3. Read the Bible more than anything else; it truly has all the wisdom you would ever need. All that stuff at the library or bookstore? It's just gravy.

That's just what I've found. Happy Friday!

Reading

2008-07-24T08:25:00.004-05:00

Reading. Just may be my all-time favorite frugal activity: you can do it just about anywhere, and if you're smart won't have to pay for it! At least, not much...

Use your local library
You will make out like a bandit, because so much is available to you--even if your local library is very small. I've become sort of a media glutton since I started working at the big downtown library in the AV department, plus I check out books there and at our small town library where I live. They're part of the same system, as is most of the corner of my state, so I can have anything shipped to my library from any other library in the area. Plus, if they don't have something, there's always interlibrary loan! Through this, you have access to the libraries of your entire state and sometimes beyond.

So, how much does the library save me? Let's add up the total of everything I have checked out if I bought it new:
$31.99 Wives and Daughters DVD
$15.00 Wives and Daughters book (see a pattern?)
$15.00 The Music Man soundtrack
$17.99 WOW Hits 2006
$10.17 Living a Beautiful Life by Alexandra Stoddard
$11.01 Gift of a Letter by Alexandra Stoddard
$ 8.49 Harvey DVD
$14.99 Songs about Me CD
$23.99 He Knew He Was Right DVD
$ 9.99 Rodney Atkins CD
$ 9.97 Ultimate Alabama CD
$ 11.16 A New Song by Jan Karon
$164.75 TOTAL

Now, I have a current library fine of $1.50, and I'll take that over the above total any day of the week!

Low-cost buying
When I read a book and decide that it is good enough and lasting enough to become part of my personal library, I buy it. Which means that I love Amazon. Love, love, love it. Almost as much as I love the library...almost: the library doesn't take my money (okay, except for fines). If I bought the above materials used through Amazon, here's the rock bottom price:
$22.48 Wives and Daughters DVD
$ 3.00 Wives and Daughters book
$15.00 The Music Man soundtrack
$ 5.99 WOW Hits 2006
$ 0.01 Living a Beautiful Life by Alexandra Stoddard
$ 0.01 Gift of a Letter by Alexandra Stoddard
$ 0.01 Songs about Me CD
$19.79 He Knew He Was Right DVD
$ 0.01 Rodney Atkins CD
$ 5.00 Ultimate Alabama CD
$ 0.01 A New Song by Jan Karon
$43.89 (shipping, which is $3.99/item because they're used and coming from all over)
$115.20 TOTAL

Other options

Borrow from a friend. Then, when you've both read the same book, you can talk about it! Trust me, it brings a really sweet dimension to friendship.
Try PaperBack Swap; I haven't tried it personally, but I've heard a lot of people like it.
Does your church have a library? A lot do, and the classics there can be amazing.
Try reading what's already on your shelves at home: I know I'm guilty of owning books that my well-intentioned mind has not yet devoured.

So, there you have it. Books, books, everywhere, ready for the picking. Enjoy a simple pleasure today: go read a book, and that's an order! :)

Surprises

2008-07-22T23:29:00.002-05:00

I was sitting here with some popcorn and oodles of book choices (which I'll talk about at a later date), planning my "day off" tomorrow, in which I would be at home and everybody else would be away doing things. I'm going to make bread out of my new recipe book, install Photoshop Elements, do some writing, and lots of reading. Plus whatever else outside.

Then, Jay called. And something kicked him into overdrive.

He started talking about the things he had to remember to do.

"Honey," I said, syrupy sweet in hopes of being supportive. "Do you want me to write it down for you?"

Oh, yes he did. And it was a lot. And now I get to help with each and everything on it.

I'm getting on-the-job training for wifehood so to speak: my husband has things that have to be done for the sake of his work, livelihood, reputation, and future, and they are being put into my hands.

I might not be blogging tomorrow, but I will be practicing for the role I've been (and still am) waiting for!

Saving

2008-07-22T21:25:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I talked about what Jay and I have done with little to no money this summer. Can I share another joy we've found? Well, I'm going to anyway.

Saving spare change.

We have an old movie popcorn bucket hidden high up in his bedroom that we take down to add to and count. What have we scrounged up in two months? Nearly $200.

Crazy, right? But we thoroughly enjoy it: checking nooks and crannies for change around our houses, putting the change into rolls, laughing about how much of it there is, and how amazingly (and humorously) God provides.

Admittedly, half of it is from a garage sale we held at Jay's last weekend. Oh man...garage sales can be a bane, a blessing, and a real hoot.

One lady came and hassled us over VHS tapes. Not haggled as in "I'll give you this," but hassled as in, "Are you actually selling any of those tapes? Really...well, nobody is selling them for more than a quarter, and one lady who was wasn't selling any and I told her, 'There's a garage sale with more than 150 of 'em at XYZ, and they're only charging a quarter because that's all anybody will pay..."

She went on and on and on. It wouldn't have been nearly as funny if she hadn't been there a few years ago at our last garage sale, explaining ever so sweetly that our Lincoln Log set did not have x piece like hers had and any child would be terribly disappointed with it; nobody would give what we were offering, but she'd be willing to give us y amount...

The lady is quite the piece of work. I couldn't stand it, I was about to burst out laughing! Unfortunately, when I went inside, I told Jay's sister and after we had a good laugh, I told his mom. Well, she rolled her eyes and got mad! She shouted, "I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind!" and stormed out to the garage!

Sure enough, VHS Lady started in about our high prices, and Jay's mom told her, "Hon, I am the mother of this house, and I set the prices. They are more than fair. I set the prices, and they are final, otherwise you can go elsewhere."

Do you know VHS Lady had the audacity to start in about paying a dollar for a barely used Trapper Keeper?! It was the funniest thing I've seen in a while...

So, thrifty fun can be hysterical--and even profitable! Praise the Lord!

Cheap "Dates"

2008-07-21T10:50:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking lately about how much God provides, even when it seems like so little. God chose to close doors for Jay this summer, so he was unable to find work, and I have not made very much either. Yet we've been able to do much with very little and have been blessed with more than we ended up with last summer when we were working more.

So, we have learned to take pleasure in simple things. I'd like to discuss those simple pleasures this week. First up: what Jay and I do with little money to enjoy being together.

Jay and I have become the King and Queen of Cheap Dates. Well...I guess I wouldn't really call any of these things "dates," but they are in the sense that we are a couple spending time together by doing some sort of activity. Jay got out his old checkbooks tonight and read his former purchases and totals aloud to me (I have no idea why...). While it was an odd and laughable thing to do, it was pretty insightful: the summer after we graduated from high school--our first year together--we spent quite a bit of money. There were lots of checks written out for gas, restaurants, and more Wal-Mart trips than this anti-Wal-Mart girl cares to admit (more on the Wally World hating another day). Due to various circumstances, we've scaled way back in the spending department, but I think we have even more fun and enjoy each other's company much more today. Here are a few of our favorite activities:

Massages
This is Jay's true favorite; I've found I have excellent hands. Whether the other one is watching a movie, reading, or playing a video game, it feels so nice to have your legs or feet or hands (trust me, try a hand massage--even on yourself--and you'll feel the tension fall away) rubbed. One thing that I noticed after starting to give and receive massages are the pheremones or horomones or endorphins or some sort of -mones that are given off of the body are relaxing for the receipient and the giver; rubbing Jays' back especially makes me sleepy and satisfied, as if all is right with the world. I have a spot between my spine and shoulder blade that Jay is constantly working on, and he loves to have his feet rubbed--several times in one day if I'm around long enough!

Touring My Family's Farm
I'll write more about the farm another day, but Jay and I stroll the farm and dream about our future--including a farm of our own. We check out the raspberry patch, chat with neighbors who stop by, scrape manure off of posts, and other little things that my dad doesn't have time to do because he has to work full-time away from the farm in addition to all of the farm work. Not only does the farm relax us, allow us to spend time together, and give us work for our hands, it is also a way for us to bless my father and show the Gospel to him.

Games
My family is big into cards, especially the game 500. Jay and I adapted it to suit two people instead of four and play for hours on end. We're nerds like that.

Gas Station Run!
Okay, so we still go to the gas station. But today, we rarely fill up the gas talk; we fill up our bellies. For five dollars, we can browse the candy that reminds us of our childhoods, sample the new slurpee flavor, buy some pop and our favorite snacks, and drive back to one of our homes and "feast." Even though I'm looking forward to healthy, homemade meals when we're married, we'll probably still go to the local gas station late into the night to get a fix of our favorite high fructose corn syrup, empty calorie, artificial color and flavor laden treats.

We Do Separate Things
Jay and I will sit in the same room, but he'll play a video game while I read. Or I'll blog while he reads. Or he'll check his email and I'll watch TV, or...some other combination of individual things. But at least the other is right there, and we can talk about whatever we're doing or anything that comes to mind. Which leads me to...

Talking, Discussing, Debating
Silence is great and shows that we've reached a pretty deep level of intimacy. Doesn't silence among friends you don't know very well feel awkward? I love when Jay and I can just enjoy a few peaceful moments together, but I also cherish lively discussions. They expand our minds and thinking. We don't agree on everything, so it pushes both of us to actively seek information to strengthen our arguments, and we have often persuaded the other on an issue or cemented our current convictions. Without Jay constantly challenging me and asking why, I would be pretty flip-floppy or unable to argue my views.

Reading God's Word
We are not the most consistent in doing this together, nor is the time necessarily always very fruitful in discussion or action, but it is setting the stage for coming together in God's Word when we are married. Plus, then it will probably be more consistent: we'll be more often together at x time of the day than we are now. God blesses those who seek Him, and I pray that when He sees us honor and seek Him, He will look on us fondly. My prayer is that in turning to Him, He will bless our marriage, our relationship to one another, and our relationship with Him, making it ever sweeter and deeper.

And yet sometimes we get bored or frustrated that we cannot go to x place or y movie, etc. Any suggestions out there would be greatly appreciated! Married ladies, what do you do to enjoy your husband?

Wardrobe Breakdown

2008-07-18T16:22:00.003-05:00

It's always hard to concentrate on anything too deep on Friday...so, here's something frivolous and fun: Fashion Fridays! (Ah, how I love a little alliteration!)

Okay, after my original wardrobe post, I've done some culling (an upcoming garage sale, you know) and repurposing and general organizing.

Here's what I'm left with:

On the left, my barn clothes:
1 hoodie
2 pairs of jeans
4 t-shirts
1 long sleeve shirt
2 tank tops

And for everything else:
2 hoodies
1 zip-up hoodie
1 cardigan
1 denim jacket
2 blouses
2 other shirts
1 sweater
2 long sleeve tees
5 tees
2 tanks
3 dresses
3 pairs of jeans
1 pair of khakis
3 pairs of walking shorts (though two have gone suddenly and mysteriously missing...)
4 skirts
For a grand total of 43 pieces.

Ideally, my wardrobe will also include:
2 more cardigans
1 casual jacket (like a fitted blazer or something)
3 more tanks/camis for layering
2 more long sleeve shirts
4 more winter-ish sweaters
1 additional skirt
2 more pairs of pants (as in dress pants, not jeans)
2-3 more dresses (does such a thing as a cute "winter" dress exist?!)

That adds 18 pieces, so my ideal wardrobe--minus shoes, accessories, undergarments, etc.--hovers around 60 pieces. Good enough for mixing and matching, but not taking up all the closet space!

Again, I ask: what's in your closet?

Tempers and Teasing

2008-07-18T08:37:00.002-05:00

Since moving back home, there are a few things that I have noticed about my family: tempers and teasing.

Tempers
My parents both have strong wills and easily become angry, but their anger takes very different routes. My father gets frustrated with our cows (and if you've ever worked with cows or a large group of another type of animal, you will likely understand) and takes to swearing and yelling and hitting things (generally not the cows...but we do have a few mean barn cats who have faced the consequences of being in the wrong place at the wrong time). This happened last night out of the blue: Dad had a good day at work, a good night in the barn, a happy family, compliant cows. Then they didn't want to leave the barn...and the yelling began. I hate the yelling with a passion, so I left the barn until he cooled down. When I came back, he was solemn but thanked me for helping. It was over.

Mom's anger is radically different.

When my mother is angry, she guilts people. And makes them feel bad. Small. Stupid. Insignificant. Slow. Mean. She is ever the victim, and I am the worst bad guy around. Mom's anger is quiet and never goes away; she holds onto everything, so that her anger bottles up, compounds on itself, and stews. I hate anger stew; it has a nasty way of boiling over in the heat of the moment, and all sorts of bitterness and malice comes flying out.

Which brings me to...

Teasing

Before I became a Christian, I saw teasing as my family--extended included--as the preferred method of showing affection. Who needs hugs and kisses when you can comment about so-and-so's funny habit? You love it and that's why you make fun of it, right? Unfortunately, no one ever takes it that way, myself included.

I realized this after my mother and I had a large blowout awhile ago. "Mom, you've told me that literally ten times!" I giggled and hugged her; she pulled away and refused to look at me. Anger stew time. It came out that I was constantly criticizing her, didn't appreciate her, didn't even take notice that she was bending over backwards for me--and I will admit that perhaps that is all true to some smaller or larger extent; I'm not perfect. Yet when I said that it worked both ways, she shut down and refused to acknowledge it.

I've made my peace with the situation: I've apologized, I've forgiven. I haven't received either in return. I've realized I can't hold my mother to Christian standards, but the Lord has used this situation to open my eyes to the large amount of teasing that surrounds me: Mom and Dad, my brother, my extended family--we all do it.

So, I, Miss Marian May Paroo, do solemnly promise to limit my teasing from this day, July 18, 2008.

Teasing does not foster affection; it drives anger and bitterness into the heart, like a nail into a board. And I'll have no more of it unless I am absolutely certain of its being well-received (ie, between Jay and myself about certain silly things that we have even discussed as being fine).

Kind of a downer post for a Friday morning, but a girl just has to get things off of her chest sometimes.

A Day at Home

2008-07-17T10:16:00.000-05:00

So just what did I do with all of that time around the house yesterday? I'm glad you asked!

First, I asked the question: what is the best way to polish away those months of gas stove burning from my copper bottomed pots? Is it the commercial cleaner they gave me when Jay bought them for me?

Maybe...

What's this? The beginning of a margarita? (Or is that a martini? Can you tell I don't exactly have a vast amount of knowledge about alcohol?) Lemon and salt as a pot scrubber? I don't know about that one...

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Still needs some work, but you can actually see that pretty color underneath!

Then, I moved on to reorganizing my room. I thought I had before pictures, but I guess that I don't. I only really finished the bed area in terms of really getting organized and taking pictures, so here's what we have:

(I will turn the pictures right side up, but I'm on a public computer and can't at the moment.) I set my bed up daybed style because with the window situated as it is, there's really no other way to be able to lean against the wall.

I love patterns and mixing them, can you tell?

My bedside tabe with a stack of books (life's necessities!), a jar of sea shells, a chocolate box that I pasted a pretty postcard to (to keep notecards for my daily to-do list on), and a collage of Jay making funny faces. I adore that picture, and now I can see it every morning!

This drawer is handy so that I always have a pen, my camera (which isn't in the picture for obvious reasons, and the remote to my light and ceiling fan. And cute photobooth pictures of Jay and I.

And a non-cluttered cabinet beneath! Yay!

Then I made cake which was fantastic!

And now...I'm back in town, waiting to go to work. *Sigh* At least I'm more appreciative of (and more productive with) my time at home!

Diet after Diet?

2008-07-17T08:15:00.002-05:00

So, I haven't touched diet soda (minus one tiny, unfortunate relapse...) for over two weeks.

And I lost two pounds.

Isn't that the weirdest?

A Day of Work...or Not

2008-07-16T13:37:00.002-05:00

My work-lovin' mama took the day off yesterday after working some overtime over the weekend.

She took my fifteen year old brother driving (which was apparently a scary endeavor), mowed lawn, worked in her garden, caught up on some computer things, relaxed inside during the afternoon heat, ran to the grocery store, and generally enjoyed the day.

Do you know what she said at the end of it all? "I wish I had more days off."

I wish she did, too.

So, today is my "day off": I don't have to work, and Jay doesn't have a vehicle, so we are stuck in our respective homes. I haven't had much "home time" aside from sleeping lately; we're getting ready for a garage sale at Jay's house, so I'm there all the time pricing, organizing...

What have I done today? Well, you'll see it off and on this week in various posts, but here's the short list:
-A full HOUR with the Lord (which was a sweet, sweet time without having to watch the clock)
-Polishing my copper bottomed pots
-Rearranging my room and organizing things
-Laundry
-Closet organizing
And there's more to come! (Plus I may have finished watching the Music Man and a little Jon and Kate Plus 8 in there...)

Point being? I look forward to my days as a stay-at-home wife/mom!

Caffeine Free

2008-07-15T21:17:00.002-05:00

I'm a cheater...I had half a can of Mountain Dew tonight. My head hurt, I thought the caffeine buzz would kill it, and it was just dang-blasted hot out. (Like my down home language? This girl needs to get off the farm for a while or something...)

Guess what happened? My head felt worse. And still does. I only drank half of it because it was too sweet and too artificial and just...all wrong.

So, yes, I screwed up, but this also renewed my decision to nip this nasty old habit in the bud.

Onward and upward!

I'm Your Venus? Not Anymore!

2008-07-15T15:42:00.002-05:00

For several years, I've been using the Venus razor. When my best friend in middle school received one in the mail on her 13th birthday (we still don't know why), I simply had to have one.

And I was hooked. The pretty packaging, the catchy commercials...

The extraordinarily overpriced replacement blades.

I tried to tell myself that it's worth it over the disposable ones because it's less wasteful, but is it?

Let's compare...the initial investment in a Venus base is approximately $10 for this:

Which includes additional blades. Then, when they run out you have to buy (for $12) additional ones:

OR for a $3 investment (I bought the store brand), you can get 10 disposables

They actually give a closer shave; the cheapos are the sharpest razors around but get a bad rap because they don't last long. Something about oxidation that makes them lose that razor sharp edge quickly, but still the closest shave while they're still good. You can extend their lifespan by cleaning and drying them after using them.

Maybe I'm killing the environment, maybe I'm not. But right now, I can't let Venus kill my wallet!